This blog is intended for those people who are suffering from the trauma and emotional pain of having a member of their family who is behaving or has behaved in a dysfunctional manner, whether they are currently incarcerated, have never been incarcerated, or whether they are on the outside after incarceration.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE–
I think parents, family, and spouses of people who become offenders have as difficult a time with grieving over this loss of expectations as people who lose a loved one to death. If your loved one died, the community of your family and friends would come to your support with hugs and casseroles of food, prayers and cards. If your loved one goes to prison or jail, though, the neighbors don’t know what to say. Many times the community lays blame on the family of the offender as well. Children are taunted in school about their offending parent, parents are shamed and blamed for raising a law breaker.
My youngest son, Patrick Alexander, is in prison for a cold blooded murder of a 17 year old girl, so I personally know the pain that comes from giving birth to an offender who has no remorse. It took me decades to resolve the shame and pain, because I had no mentor to help me learn to cope with this most painful event. No one to say “I have been there, I understand.”
Not all criminals came from “broken homes” or from families who failed to do their best to bring up their child in a nurturing environment. Not all abusers were abused, and not all sexual predators were molested as
PEOPLE HAVE CHOICES
As people who love these people, we must learn to decide who is fixable and who is not. It is a painful process, but a necessary one if we want to get out of the “spin cycle” that the repeated offending behaviors of our loved ones have made of our lives. I hope you find answers here and some comfort as well.