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Mar 292014

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Our courts frequently sentence those convicted of domestic violence or anger management “classes.”

Here is an article from the Huff/Post in which a man who was a repeat offender for domestic violence who struck his girl friend with his “anger management work book” Of course at first glance this appears almost funny.


A man in Spartanburg, S.C., was arrested after allegedly losing his temper and assaulting his girlfriend with an anger management workbook, of all things.

But when you read more or the story, it points out that he was mad at her for “doing things to make him angry knowing he was in anger management class.” Of course he was “blaming HER for his anger which is typical of those who are guilty of domestic violence.

But then, she cuts him with a box cutter and SHE is arrested.

While you might AT FIRST think that she was “just defending herself” I don’t’ see it that way. What I see here is a “gasoline and fire” relationship where BOTH parties are disordered at worst and dysfunctional at best.

“Gasoline and fire” relationships (and they are more frequent than the “system recognizes”) is where two people who are both disordered “hook up” and the FIGHT IS ON! Then the person who is the “loser” in the fight(s) presents themselves as a VICTIM, and then they look for another disordered person to “hook up with” and the fight is on AGAIN…time after time.

Domestic violence is not ALWAYS a one way street with an “innocent victim” and a “horrible abuser” but is one in which both parties try to justify their violence toward their partner or their children. God help those children born to such unions, they don’t’ stand a chance. Since we know that genetics as well as environment both play a part in producing disordered (and/or violent) people, children born in and raised in such violent environments have two strikes against them growing up and when they reach adulthood.

I worked at a mental health facility in the community that provided medication and services to the chronically mentally ill in the community and the facility also provided “anger management” classes for domestic abusers. One of the judges in our area would order anger management classes for any case in which domestic violence was involved. One of the attendees said to the therapist who was teaching it that “any time a woman’s mascara runs the judge sentences the husband to anger management classes.”

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  5 Responses to “Anger management classes don’t work”

  1. Article up

  2. Joyce, this is a terrific article because it is 100% TRUE.

    I have known countless individuals who were court-ordered into “Anger Management” classes and they were useless. It’s not that these people need to learn how to manage their anger, at all! These people AREN’T ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are remorseless!!!!

    One fellow went, learned the language, and bent the “rules” to suit his own needs in manipulating his source target(s). He would “acknowledge” his behaviors, but he would twist the words that he learned to cause his target(s) to feel responsible for having made him angry to begin with.

    In a “perfect world,” anger management wouldn’t even be an issue – we would all “know” how to safely express our anger in a healthy way and that would be it. But, abusers aren’t angry – they are control freaks and take malicious glee in terrorizing their source targets and victims.


  3. Yea, Truthy, I used to listen for hours to the stories of the guys who were sent to anger management class…no names of course….but the therapist who taught the class had NO idea that there was a single person in his court ordered classes who learned anything useful.

    It is like “court ordered” rehab when the addict doesn’t see anything wrong with their life style. It costs a lot of money and “seems to b e PC” but in fact it is a waste of time and resources.

  4. Joyce, even “Court Ordered” child support doesn’t work in many cases – there are tens of thousands of parents out there who have refused to work and pay child support because they have NO MORAL COMPASS.

    People who are that angry (snort) that they “take it out” on their partners and/or children in the form of abuse aren’t “angry,” at all. They are enamored of their control over others. Period.

    I don’t live in that world, but I was married to a violent abuser the first time around, and I have come to the conclusion that my reactions to his abuse created as much of a physiological rush for him that it would be comparable to an 0rgasm. And, it was probably more powerful than an 0rgasm because it was a continuous game and never ended UNTIL I left. He didn’t have “anger issues,” at all. When he was abusing, he was VERY much in control, even when he was screaming at me. He could turn it on and turn it off as easily as if it were a light switch.

    Same goes with any other addict – alcohol, gambling, prescription, etc………..it’s a RUSH to “play the game” to get whatever they want. “Family Intervention” is rarely successful in pointing an addict to recovery – they aren’t interested in what their actions cause for their loved ones and they do not typically respond with a long-term effort to get and stay sober. Sure, many of these people feel GUILT, but they don’t feel BADLY, and they will never “get it” until they are sleeping in a cardboard box underneath an overpass and diving into dumpsters to find food for themselves.

    There is nothing that I know of that will help these types of people. Anger management is simply “doing something” that appears to be helpful, but the truth is that these people do not want help, and they are addicted to their level of control over others. Anger management…………….PAH!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!

  5. I definitely agree with you and I remember part of an old saying that says it all “He who is convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.”

    We can NOT force anyone to change their beliefs or determination to do something. We may punish them because they don’t change but we can’t make them actually change.

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