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Dec 312015
 

I don’t know if you sit and take a look at the last year on New Year’s eve, but  I do. I look back and see the things that went well and the things that didn’t go so well. I’ve done this I guess since I became an adult.

Since I finally made the conscious decision to delete the toxic people out of my life…both “friends” and family members…my year has not been one of chaos and stress. Oh, sure, there have been problems to solve, flat tires, and a car that died and had to be replaced…but that is “just life” not drama. Sure it was a financial blow when my car suddenly died and couldn’t reasonably be fixed, but “stuff happens” and that’s okay. That’s life.

Had the ‘coons and possoms get into my poultry and there is even a bob cat in the area (caught on a neighbor’s game camera) but those “problems” are different from problems that are deliberately caused by someone abusing us or taking advantage of us, or of the sadness we feel when someone we love has done something “bad” or broken the law.

It seems like the weather has been awful, floods all around me (thank goodness I live on a hill) and a foot of rain in December but the weather is not “out to get me” deliberately, it JUST IS WHAT IT IS. It doesn’t emotionally drain me, it doesn’t heart my heart because the weather has been “bad.”

It’s true that “bad things happen to good people” and houses blow away, wash away, trees topple onto cars and houses in storms but those are just “things” and we can just “deal” with those things…or even swear and go on. (LOL)

It actually amazes me looking back over 2015 what a good year it has been, even with the “bad” things that have happened here and there, but those things are “handleable,” where a betrayal from someone we love is much more difficult to “handle” when your heart is breaking.

I’m looking forward to the new year, new opportunities, and I feel confident that I can handle whatever comes along. I hope that your new year is a good one as well. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

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  29 Responses to “New Year’s Eve Thoughts”

  1. Article up

  2. So true, Joyce. After all these years and I’m still extricating myself from the trojan horse that the spath inserted into my family. It’s unbelievable how it has affected me, emotionally.

    I can see the “light at the end of the tunnel” though, and I’m grateful for that. It’s a lesson learned that, when we allow ourselves to get slimed by spaths, it takes a looooong time to get cleaned off.

    BTW, I love that picture at the top. Beautiful.

  3. I agree Skylar, it takes a long time, but you know there is an old saying “the finest china has been through the hottest fires” and I think that is true. People who have never been challenged I don’t think are as strong as those who have met and overcome the challenges in life.Just as exercise makes our body stronger I think contemplating our lives makes us emotionally stronger.

    By examining my choices, both the good and the bad, by remembering the challenges I can learn from them so I don’t make some of the poorer choices again. By seeing a pattern in my own abuse I realized I had played a part in it by allowing it to continue.

    Sometimes people are “struck by lightening” and something hits them out of the blue, a car wreck not their fault, an earthquake a war, challenges that they played NO part in allowing them to start or continue…but for those of us who allowed someone we loved to abuse and reabuse us the lesson needs to be learned that we dont’ deserve that abuse. That we don’t have to tolerate it.

    I’m looking forward to the new year, new challenges, new beginnings, and another chance to grow.

  4. My kids dad continues to cause troubles for himself which can impact my children. My oldest son who attends college realizes that his dad is disordered. He doesn’t want him in his life, tired of all the b.s. that his dad has caused in the past, all unnecessary drama. His dad can’t seem to comprehend that people have their limits and will drop him due to his toxicity. He definitely is a con-artist, having learned recently about some stunt that he pulled over a year ago. It’s never ending with these people. My oldest son figures that in time his younger brother and sister will wake up and drop their dad.

  5. Happy New Year!

  6. Blue, I do understand how SOME “children” can SEE what a psychopathic parent is and others can’t. My friend who visited me over the holidays has a son who is unable to “see” what his biological father and brother are. I have another friend who has 7 children, and the 4 oldest are NC with their “father” and another one would be but the courts make her visit him, but the two youngest are “bought” off with presents and his con.

    It is difficult for us to see people, especially children, conned by a parent (or other person) who is very high in psychopathic traits. Being able to con people is an “art” that these people are high in, and very talented in. Sometimes people are never able to break free of this con artist, and other times, they are able. So I hope and pray that your younger kids will be able to “see” what their “father” is, and sometimes that just takes some maturity on the part of the child. Heck, I didn’t realize what my biological father was until he attacked ME…and the same with my son Patrick…so I do understand about being conned by these people and how hard it is, once conned, to “wake up” and smell the coffee about these folks.

    BTW good to “see” you BlueJay…glad you and your children had a good time this holiday season enjoying each other’s company. Being with those we care about and love is what ANY “season” is all about. Be it a holiday season or just a weekend.

    • The con that I learned about was a criminal act. He set up a business arrangement with an acquaintance of his, took her check, cashing it, then didn’t do the work. He was going to build a garden fence for a lady and her husband. He left the lady high and dry. The couple tried to get ahold of him and he wouldn’t respond. Hearing about this totally confirmed to me that he is a con artist. It’s disturbing how he operates.

  7. Happy New Year to all of you!

    Good to ‘see’ you both again, Skylar & Bluejay.

    Bluejay- don’t be surprised if the kids can already ‘see thru’ their dad’s way of thinking. I was told once by a counselor that kids are masters at manipulation. Your younger kids may very well ‘know’ your ex and his ways, but just use him to get what they want from him. They want something. You won’t buy it or maybe can’t afford it so they tell him what it is. He buys it trying to be the ‘good parent’ and ‘win’ their attention/affection, but in reality- the kids ‘win’ because they got what they wanted by whatever means necessary to get it.

    There’s two ways to handle this-

    You can tell him that if he’s dumb enough to cater to them, buying them what they want to ‘win’ them over, he’s being duped as badly as he is trying to dupe them. Let him know what’s going on. Tell the spath that he’s being ‘played’ just as much as he thinks he’s ‘playing’ others only this time the kids are winning. He’s been beaten at his own game by a child. How ‘smart’ does he look now???

    Or you can turn this around on him and tell the kids about all of the new, latest trends, expensive things, cool places… tell them to ask their father for it and let him spend the money on it. Kill him with kindness and spend his money for him. Eventually he will either catch on and put a stop to it or he will spend, spend, spend until it puts him in the poorhouse.

    Perspective is a mighty thing. When you look at something from a different angle it takes on a whole new image of it’s own.

  8. LOL Phoenix, you know I agree with you….turn the tables on him. LOL I hadn’t thought about “salting” the cake like that, getting the kids to demand more and more and more expensive things….

    The thing is though that younger kids don’t catch on partly because they are unable to actually SEE the manipulation in others, and don’t catch it and as well, they WANT to think that the parent loves them because kids crave this love and appreciation from a parent no matter what kind of skank a parent might actually BE in the eyes of more mature folks.

  9. Yes and no on the younger kids seeing the manipulation in others. Some do, some don’t. Some of them spot it a mile off and have to tell us what’s going on. A friend of mine, her daughter spotted it at 6 years old and told her father in no uncertain terms he would not be ‘buying her off’ and not to treat her as a pilfering idiot! Yes, those words came from her 6 y/o. Sometimes they are wise beyond their years….

    Thinking about it last night, the post above, you would have to be willing to speak to the spath to get the point across. If you are NC with them, it’s a matter of asking yourself, if you’d allow yourself to break the silence long enough to speak to the spath. It’s one of those situations where you have to weigh your options and decide what you need and want to do about it.

    Do you choose
    Door #1- Say nothing and allow it to continue as it is, while remaining NC with the spath
    Door #2- Tell spath he’s being played
    or
    Door #3 – Encourage the kids to spend his money for him and kill him with kindness.

    Unfortunately, just like the game show, Let’s Make a Deal- there are pitfalls, Zonks and b00by prizes. You just have to be aware of them and make your decision based on what is best for you and your kids. Your mileage may vary….

  10. The Phoenix,

    The spath is in the poor house, having been there like, forever! He is a SPENDER to the nth degree, taking after (from what I’ve heard) his spath father. The spath cannot save a nickel. My daughter is one who will manipulate her dad, getting things from her dad, stuff that I won’t buy her. I figured out years ago that the spath tries to buy people’s love. I am the one who pays the bills (he doesn’t pay his bills, although he claims to always be “trying to do better”). It gets really OLD (being the sole provider for myself and the children). He has zero conscience, in my mind, being a dumb _ss. He is financially irresponsible and always will be. He lives on the edge. It’s an annoying, tiring way to exist. I’ve told him that the wiring in his brain doesn’t work like everyone else’s brain, that he’s PATHOLOGICAL (lol). Of course, if it comes from me, it’s in one ear and out the other. The spath cannot be criticized. Anyway, good to hear from you. Happy New Year!

  11. Bluejay honey, you just described my ex-spath to a T! Hahahahaha

    The only bills he pays with any consistency are the utility bills. In our area, you cannot just switch power, water or sewer companies so you either pay your bills or go without. He is consistent with them all right…. consistently LATE! *massive eye roll*

    If he got behind, he switched companies. Cell phones, banks, cable tv, internet, car / homeowners / health insurance. Yes, it is very annoying and exhausting trying to keep up, let alone figure them out.

  12. Happy New Year to all!

    I appreciate this article on many levels. For me, the ability to experience Life’s Events within a “normal” boundary is more of a gift than I can describe. I recently was on the road, far, far from home, and had a tire suddenly go flat. In my “previous life,” I would have melted down and lost my marbles and jumped down the rabbit hole of panic. Instead, the panic knocked at my door and even pushed against it, but I held on and took each second (quite literally) as it came, instead of attempting to predict and looking for the worst in everyone.

    This is what I’ve learned about myself. I have many, many ingrained behaviors that are a direct result of childhood traumas, as well as ongoing adult abuse and traumas. So, each experience is an opportunity for me to learn about myself and how I can improve my own life by changing my behaviors and controlling my own emotions.

    Bluejay, it’s very good to “see” you and once a spath, always a spath, as we all know. Nothing is a surprise to me, anymore. Shocking? Oh, yes….that people can do such shocking things to one another will never become rote for me. But, I’m no longer surprised. They are what they are, and they’ll always be what they are.

    So……..here’s to a very, very bright, positive 2016 with all of the agape that we each deserve and the healing that is 100% possible!!!!

    HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

  13. Bluejay, having been a single parent for several years I can definitely relate to not having help from the other parent…I can’t remember how old your younger children are, but kids DO want their parent to love them, regardless of how bad that parent is…until they finally SEE…and some never see, unfortunately.

    I didn’t get to know my own biological father until I was in my late teens and I wANTED so much for him to be a “father” even though everyone who knew him, including his own father, knew he was a con man but I had to get to know that for myself before I believed it, and believing it “crushed” me…but I also know other children of psychopaths who came to SEE what their parent was and managed to get through the disappointment as well.

    So don’t give up on your kids getting it just yet…sooner or later he will try to con them out of money, and the kids may be hurt, but they have you and that’s a big positive for them.

    Recently, my friend with the 7 kids (the oldest 5 get it what their father is) had to go back to court as he was suing for custody of the 3 younger ones, and the 3 oldest testified against him, and the things he had done to his wife and kids, and at the end of the day the JUDGE said to the man (as he denied his petition for custody) SIR YOU ARE A JERK! LOL Talk about justice for the ex wife. The two younger ones don’t get it yet, and the 3rd youngest does but she is forced to visit him even though she despises him. Maybe those two younger ones won’t get it, but time will tell. I can remember back 10 or 12 years ago when the oldest son was having difficulty accepting what his father was (at about age 15) but all of those kids are smart, successful, happy young people and I’m gonna bet the youngest two eventually “get it” as well.

    As for your ex conning others, taking money for jobs he never did etc, he isn’t going to change that either. He is what he is, and it isn’t your fault, or your kids’ fault, and the shame of his actions are not yours or theirs to own. Frankly, anyone who holds HIS bad deeds against you or your kids isn’t worth your consideration.

    I’m with Zen, I’m looking forward to a great 2016 and there will be “problems” from time to time, but that’s life, and we don’t have to let those problems melt us down or send us into a panic…Like Zen said there are “flat tires” in life when things happen that we have no control over, but we just do the best we can to handle the situation and let the rest go.

    We CAN control those triggers (not always easy but POSSIBLE) so we just have to keep a positive outlook and take one day at a time. Having that psychopath or other toxic person out of our lives is a BLESSING in itself.

  14. Zen- It’s sort of nice in a way to hear that you are also at a place where nothing surprises you anymore either. I hit that mile marker a ways back and I had a lot of people say that for me not to be surprised anymore was a scary thing to them. They would ask me “How can you not be surprised? Why are you NOT surprised by this????” My big question to them was “Why ARE you surprised he did this? With all of the writing on the wall and you didn’t see it coming?”

    They just didn’t and don’t understand that just when you think the spath has hit a new level of ‘low’, the bottom can and likely will drop out from there. It’s almost surprising how low the spaths can sink in their quest to dupe, scam, shame, project and lie while trying to take things from others and maintain that they are not the ‘bad guy’ in all of this.

    Joyce- It’s good to hear that your friend had a judge that finally ‘gets it’ and called the guy on the carpet for his actions. I can only hope one day I will have a judge who ‘sees the light’ and has his/her head on straight. My young children openly don’t like their father, but because of the court and the judge, they have to endure visitation with him, even though there are definite signs pointing to it not being healthy for their little minds. Those signs being giant red flags and LED’s bright enough to light the entire galaxy.

    • Phoenix, it’s a wonderful thing to “find” this space, and the better aspect of it for me is that I’m unconcerned about how people view me, anymore. There was once a time when I wasted extreme energy and time in attempts to appease EVERYONE so that EVERYONE would ***like*** me. Well, what I could not process was the simple fact that everyone on the planet isn’t going to like me (or, everyone else). In my traumatized mind, if people ***liked*** me, they wouldn’t hurt me, use me, abuse me, or abandon me. Of course, that’s ludicrous thinking, right? But, in MY mind, this was something that had to be true because I wouldn’t hurt, use, abuse, or abandon anyone that I ***liked,*** so I tried to fit the actions of everyone in the world into MY system of beliefs! Talk about cognitive dissonance?! LMAO!!!

      Today, “it is what it is” doesn’t make me uncomfortable. I don’t have that need for control, so I can accept that things simply “are” without attempting to alter them.

      Each day offers a new learning opportunity for me, and here’s the most recent example for ME to learn about how to manage MYSELF: in the studio with a new member who “hasn’t thrown for a while.” “Throw” means using the potter’s wheel to make clay pots, etc. SO……..this gal claimed to have made 100 bowls for a high school project – “empty bowl project” is a Nationwide event where potters make bowls for soup sales to benefit the homeless shelters across the country. Well……..in high school? Making 100 bowls in a high school art room? I don’t think so. So, a friend of mine sits down at his wheel to begin his own project, and he ends up spending the next 2 hours attempting to instruct this gal – she keeps making claims about this technique and that technique, and when I give her the correct ***technical*** information, her claims suddenly adjust to what I just told her. I have a degree in ceramic technology, and it makes me CRAZY to see people doing things that aren’t technically healthy for their pieces.

      Well…………the long and short of it is this: I learned to step back, let people lie like a rug and pretend, and attend to my OWN work. This gal took the entire evening up from my friend who really has only been throwing for 9 months and has no business “instructing” anyone, just yet. But…….she made a passive/aggressive demand for attention and a FREE lesson, and I’m not going to oblige. I have my own work to do, and this was a huge distraction.

      Bottom line? Listen, observe, and hold NO malice. This gal is a mess, and you can take that to the bank! And, I learned that I need to pay closer attention to my ***desire*** to help other people. I cannot allow myself to “feel” that I should be helping everyone else because I suffer, in the end. If that makes sense.

      In a previous life, I would have spent every moment with this gal in an attempt to make her comfortable and to help boost HER self-esteem! LOL Well, I’ve got my own stuff to attend to…………

  15. Zen- I can totally relate on a similar level. I know a woman who is local to me. We have bartered things back and forth and she is on a forum for one of our mutual interests. I used to teach in this field and know how to fix some things she was having issue with. Simple fixes for her problems, but I resisted temptation and did not post them. Why?

    I was in a rather tough spot at the moment financially and she knew this. She had asked me for a few pointers and tips before. These are things I had suggested she try, but she didn’t ask me for help until someone else she knows said- You need to do this…” and guess who she called for help then? Me. Guess who produced results? Me. Guess who was not offered any sort of compensation for their time, effort, equipment or anything else? Me.

    So the next time around when she’s posting about having issues she can’t seem to fix, I replied simply- “That’s too bad. Sorry to hear.” She had paid someone else to come in and help her with other issues, she can certinly afford to pay me the same or at least offer something. If she had to bring the other person in to help her again, she would pay them for it. Why should I do it for free?

    Now, I’m not exactly a heartless person. There are people out there who have a lot of drive, passion, heart and desire. They aren’t affraid to do whatever they need to, in order to pay for lessons, training, equipment or whatever else they need to be involved in the sport of their choice. They ‘want it’ badly enough. They aren’t always ‘blessed’ financially. When ‘gifted’ with equipment on loan, they take excellent care of it because they appreciate being able to use it. They are thankful, gracious and a pleasure to help.

    I’ve been there. I know how fortunate I was and am still. Sometimes I may not have the money to pay the people who help me, but I can and will find a way to show my appreciation. That goes a long way! Recently my car had issues. It had to be towed in to the shop. It was fixed and when I picked it up, they only charged me for the parts. I spent the whole next day baking things to take to the shop. I made 12 dozen treats in 5 flavors to take in. Not just for the guys who did the actual work and fixed my car, but for everyone in the whole shop. Guess who they like to see coming in now??? **Grins**

  16. Good discussion guys. Zen, I definitely see a pattern in our desire to be “nice” and “be a friend” to folks, but friendship is a thing that goes BOTH WAYS…we support each other as friends, do nice things but it goes both way, they show appreciation, we show appreciation, but we don’t USE each other.

    I was at a living history event that my group has but the park has now decreed that the log cabin we hold our events at that we cannot sleep there any longer….so last night after our event a couple of guys who had driven 4 hours to be there were going to sleep in the back of their pick up truck, so I invited them to come home with my son and me and sleep warm at my house. Which they were glad to do and since the party ended early we sat up and talked and visited and enjoyed each other’s company and laughed and they slept warm. It didn’t “cost” me anything to give them a warm place on my floor and couch to sleep, but they repaid me 100X with their thanks and company. They are two young college kids that are absolutely wonderful young men and it is nice to see NICE young people who devoted to living history and to enjoying life without drugs or rap music. LOL

    Humans are “herd animals” and we enjoy the company of our species, but we must not let the toxic ones, the needy ones who #### you dry, infringe on our time and energy. We need to pass them by, let them do their thing, tell their lies, etc.

    I have a neighbor (the only one I have who is a psychopath) who moved here into this rural area and told so many lies it was laughable…he’d been in the FBI, CIA, navy seal, army ranger, 5000 parachute jumps etc (100 jumps is a lot of jumps, and NO one has made 5,000 jumps in a life time. LOL) Attention seeking to the maximum. Some of the neighbors were too “polite” to tell him to get lost…but wasn’t long before I had no problem in telling him to get lost. Once he came to my house (always asking assistance for something) and his body odor was so bad I actually told him, “Bob your body odor would gag a maggot, please go home and take a bath, I am about to puke at the smell”

    Some of my neighbors wouldn’t be “rude” to him when he imposed on them repeatedly. Another friend who is the SOUL of politeness and southern hospitality actually THREW Bob out. Bob had invited himself to the man’s home for a holiday meal and he man of course let him come (bob had no family or friends to invite him) but when Bob got into a “cuss fight” with the host’s 10 year old grandson, the host told Bob to get out and never come back.

    Now that I am no longer an “enabler” I realize that my home is MY home, and MY home, MY rules…if you don’t like it, there’s the door, don’t let it hit you on the way out.

    Bob no longer comes to my house or farm *(he finally got the message) and pretty much he doesn’t try to socialize with the neighbors because most of them have had a gut full of him over the years. He is however known in the neighborhood as “Crazy Bob”—no last name necessary–but I of course have NO idea who started that title for him. LO (wink, wink)

  17. Joyce, sad as it seems, I think EVERY neighborhood has a “Crazy Bob” just like every family seems to have a “Creepy Uncle Carl”. I’m sure there’s an equal for the females as well, just can’t think of it at the moment.

    One of the comedians addressed this not too long ago. “There’s one in every family. If you can’t figure out who it is, that’s because it’s probably YOU!”

  18. Phoenix, I think that’s true!!!! If you can’t figure out who it is, it might be YOU!!!

    Back when I was working (I think hospitals have more psychopaths per acre than most businesses) there was always a supply of psychopaths in administration, and doctors who had professional power, etc. and it was constant stress every day trying to appease the higher ups. At the time I was working I was doing my best to take care of patients in spite of these people who “threw monkey wrenches” into every interaction….but looking back I realize now that my stress was pretty much self-generated by my desire to “keep the peace” at any price.

    A few times I actually stood up and stood my ground, or even left a job because the stress was more than I was prepared to handle. I had no problem as an advanced practice nurse in finding another job within 24 hours, but I know folks who were not so fortunate to be ABLE to quit a job that was very stressful because of psychopaths in the work place.

    Of course HIND SIGHT is 20/20 and I can look back now and see where I let my own insecurities and enabling behavior rule my choices. But looking back I am no longer embarrassed at my poor choices because at the time I didn’t have the TOOLS in my emotional tool bag to make better choices. I did the best I could with what I had. But today I am learning more about myself and about others. Still not perfect of course, but being perfect is no longer necessary to live a good life.

    • Joyce, I made similar decisions and quit a couple of VERY upwardly mobile positions – I was given awards for my performance! BUT……..I was a doormat and my own issues clouded every decision that I made.

      So………..perfection is an illusion, and I’m very pleased with that fact! LOL

  19. Yea, Zen, you are not alone there for sure, and many people of talent are forced out of positions because of the bullies in the work place.

    The last job I had had a social worker who was “trans” and “He” was hateful, obnoxious, etc. and totally a pain, but he “could not be fired” no matter what “he” did.

    When people use their “civil rights” whether it be sexuality, race, religion, etc to act like bullies and get away with it it makes it harder for those who ARE persecuted for any of those things. It also makes others who are not of that “persuasion” resent ALL people of that persuasion and fosters all kinds of problems. It isn’t that ALL people of that persuasion are bullies, but our tendency to generalize makes us (humanity) resent those people.

    The ,MANY rapes of German Citizens by “refugees” starting on New Years has fired up the Neo-Nazis who are now persecuting ALL refugees, legitimate or not. Germany is in a whirl wind with these huge numbers of “refugees” who took advantage and flocked there by the tens of thousands (hundreds of thousands?) and now Germany is a clash of cultures and riots and it is not going to get better soon for sure.

    The arrest recently of two terrorists who were “refugees” here (one in Texas and one in California) is also fueling up resentment here in the US. and FEAR as well.

    The “popularity” of a person like Trump at this time is indicative I think of the fears of White Americans and a back lash against corrupt “politics as usual” and I’m afraid of the politicians but I’m also afraid of Trump as well.

    But again, I cannot change this, I can only vote and hope it does something to help, however, I fear to vote for trump as I imagine he would have us in a WWIII in a month in power, but I also fear to vote for a Democratic “politics as usual” candidate, so it is Ii think a choice between the lesser of two evils and I’;m not sure which one is the lesser. LOL

  20. Joyce, it takes people like the trans to call out others of their own kind and call them on it, to make them stop. I worked in retail for a while a couple years back. We had an employee who thought she could do no wrong, didn’t have to lift a finger, just sit back and collect a check each week while everyone else hustled and busted their hump, essentially covering HER arse.

    One day one of the supervisors overheard her saying that she could never be fired because she would throw the race card. The supervisor had the same color skin… walked over and said “Bit-ch please. Get your a$$ to work or get your a$$ out of here.” There were several of us within range and heard it. The supervisor was done with it. The girl never came back to work and we all had a good laugh about it. The supervisor said they didn’t like people like that painting the rest of them with a broad, crappy brush. Huzzah!

    • There are those people who play whatever cards that they can, and it’s pathetic. It’s tedious. It’s overdone. And, it would be lovely if morals and ethics (especially ETHICS) became en vogue. Sadly……..our society and culture is on a mode of self-destruction, and everything is acceptable and excusable. Sort of like the preamble to the collapse of every great empire in History, we’re in a spiral that we can’t stop.

  21. Phoenix, that was a great way for the supervisor to handle it!!!! Fortunately not all of any “group” fits the mold of being “offended” by common sense.

    I saw a comment on FB recently that showed a photo of Rosa Parks, and it said “Rosa Parks didn’t give up her seat on the bus, but she didn’t burn the bus down” And I thought that was a pretty good point.

  22. Zen- You got that right! I have seen ‘those people’ aplenty. The kind who find every way, chance and otherwise to throw the “Victim” card and any other ‘card’ they can use to cry FOUL! Claiming they have been wronged. I too would like to see Morals, Ethics and Common Sense come back ‘In fashion’. Maybe if these people were held accountable and had to actually provide for themselves and their families, things would change.

    Think back to the days before any form of public or government assistance… You either shouldered the load and did the work or it didn’t get done, you didn’t eat and essentially didn’t survive. Families took care of their own sick, elderly and disabled and yes the neighbors would pitch in when needed, but if you didn’t reciprocate, word got around. Nobody got a free ride then, like so many do now.

    Joyce- That is so true on so many levels. There are things like that, that I have seen, when it applies to one group it’s fine. But when you change the wording ever so slightly to apply to another group, everybody gets their ####### in a knot. I know one spath tried using a line on me for control and when I applied his same words to him from MY point of view- Oh Boy!!! He did NOT like that at all!!!! Narcissism at it’s finest!

  23. Well, another year has passed and it is New Year’s eve once again. And as I look back through the year, I found another distant member of my family scamming an elderly lady, and nothing I can do about it/ There used to be an old joke about “where there is a will, there is a way to get your name in it.” A take off on the old saying “where there is a will, there is a way.”

    I never fully trusted this person, who I now believe is very high in psychopathic traits, as was his father, but was amazed that he was so greedy as to scam a little old lady. But while I am not totally surprised, I and not shocked., as the elderly lady is not 100% in her right mind any more. And is easily manipulated.

    Even though I live secluded in my little “hole in the woods” and don’t socialize much outside my close friends, even though I am pretty careful about who I consider a friend, I do come across the occasional psychopath. But I think I have learned to recognize the “symptoms” and call BS on them before much damage is done to me directly.

    2016 has been a challenging year though, with me breaking my hand in February and only now (early december) regaining use of most of my hand, minus the amputation of my right little finger.God has granted me many favors this year as well as challenges, and my general health has been pretty good.

    I know that many of you have also experienced challenges this year, but I have also received Christmas cards and letters from former bloggers here with wonderful news and the fact that they are reclaiming their lives back.

    I hope and pray that good things come to each person who reads this and that if you are in an abusive relationship please get out. Abusers are NOT going to change, no matter how many times they say they will. God bless each of you this coming year with His good graces.

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