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Jan 022015
 

 

 

Many of us make “resolutions” for the New Year, sort of like “I’m gonna go to the gym regularly and lose 25 pounds.” Unfortunately many (most?) times we don’t keep up the ambition to really complete these “resolutions” and by February we have said “oh, fudge, I give up” and we quit trying to do what we “resolved” to do on New Year’s day.

I’ve made those “resolutions” every year for one thing or another and in general I never completed them, but the “resolutions” I have made more recently made are much more realistic resolutions and I am keeping them pretty well.

I resolve to be kinder to myself. I realized in the past my enabling ways were involving me trying to fix a person who had abused me in some way by taking on the consequences of their bad behavior. That was NOT being “kind” to myself to do that, so I resolved to STOP this unhealthy practice. I also do good things for myself and don’t feel guilty about doing so. I fix my favorite meal, I sit down and read a book instead of doing the dishes…

I resolve to forgive myself for past decisions and choices that were not healthy. This was a difficult one for me and sometimes I still “fall off the wagon” in this resolution, but when I do fail to keep this one, I forgive myself and get back on the wagon, working to forgive myself. I tell myself, “Joyce you are human and you made some bad choices and poor decisions, but you can’t change the past, only the future.”

I resolve to get the bitterness out of my heart toward those who have abused and hurt me. To me this is “forgiveness” and enables me to not have bitterness and anger be the sole inhabitants of my mind and heart. By remaining bitter and angry, I am allowing those people to control my life in a negative way long after they are actually out of my present company. If I start feeling bitter about them, I bring myself up “short” and say, “Joyce, you are feeling angry, STOP it!” And as silly as that sounds, it helps.

I resolve to live in the NOW and to take time to smell the roses today, not to say “I’ll be happy when X happens.” No, I will live in the NOW and enjoy the sights, smells, tastes and joy that is there in front of me this minute.

I resolve to the thankful for the many blessings I do have and not to groan about those things I wish I had but don’t and never will have. I have clean water to drink, I have a roof over my head, I have clothes to wear, and friends who do love me, and God has provided me with everything I need and much of what I want.

I resolve to accept the things that I cannot change, to change the things I can and I pray for the wisdom to know the difference. This “prayer” from AA is a good example of a good attitude. An attitude that will help us no matter what life or karma flings at us.

I resolve to give back to others and share the blessings God has given me with others. Whether that sharing is a comforting word to someone who is hurting, or donating funds or time to a cause, helping others helps me. Giving without expecting repayment is what Jesus advised us to do. If we expect repayment of a “gift” then it is not a “gift” it is a loan. Giving, though, is not the same as enabling or allowing others to take from me. Giving is a voluntary process.

I resolve to be kind to others, but not be a door mat. I set boundaries on how I will allow others to treat me, but I will treat all others well. If someone violates my reasonable boundaries by acting in abusive or manipulative ways, I will not be “mean” back to them, but I will not sit still and allow them to continue to abuse me. When people show me what they are, I will believe them the first time.

I may not lose the 25 pounds I would like to lose, but I will keep the resolutions I have made for this year, and for every year, because those resolutions help me live a healthy, happy, peaceful and joyful life.

Happy New Year!

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  6 Responses to “New Year’s Resolutions”

  1. Article up

  2. Oh, Joyce, what a beautiful and encouraging article!!!!!!!!!!

    Being resolved doesn’t have to be a punishment, and I believe that standard “New Year’s Resolutions” are rooted in self-punishment for having gained 25lb, or something else.

    I really am LIKING your approach to this, as well as what you are resolved to work on. I love them all because it’s about being a calmer and more balanced human being, rather than being IMPERFECT.

    I really like the living in the “NOW,” too – it’s something that I have always had a difficult time conceptualizing, much less putting into practice. What a lovely, lovely, and absolutely POSITIVE article! Thank you, so much, for putting this out there……….

    HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

  3. You’re entirely welcome, Truthy. I spent a long time conceptualizing what I really wanted to work on…of course I need to lose some weight…but frankly I know I’m not likely to until summer (if then) but the other things I NEED to work on to keep my life sane, peaceful and happy are the things I listed in the article. I thought about many other things but they were too specific like the “lose 25 pounds” and these things are all things I have been working on for nearly a decade now. It’s been 7 years since I came out of hiding and moved back into my home…and slowly slowly, ever so slowly, I’ve been trying to “diagnose” what went wrong in my life, and what I COULD DO ABOUT IT…and I’m finally getting closer and closer to PEACE AND JOY…losing 25 pounds won’t make me happy, but keeping the resolutions I listed will, and being happy and peaceful WILL help me take care of the 25 pounds eventually, because we cannot accomplish anything as long as we are miserable, unhappy and caught in the spin cycle.

  4. Joyce and Truthy,

    Happy 2015. Thank you for the insightful article and comments on resolutions. Will stay posted.

  5. Hey, girlfriend! I hope all is well with you! Wishing you the brightest blessings for the coming year. Good to “see” you.

    Last evening I also did, I say DID, something I have been “meaning” to do and “resolving” to do for years, I worked more on cleaning out my office and getting rid of things I do not need. I threw out another BIG garbage sack of old papers I had filed away that I no longer had any need of.

    I didn’t make a “resolution” to do it, but my resolutions for a peaceful and happy new year actually gave me the energy and “ambition” to DO some of the other things I’ve been needing to do and procrastinating about.

    My son and I both noticed after the aircraft crash that killed my husband and burned my son severely, that we tended to procrastinate…the first year was almost complete shut down, but the procrastination, though improved, is still there even these ten years. Since I gave some thoughts to what I wanted to “accomplish” this year in terms of doing things, without being specific, just a general idea, I’ve actually made some strides in that direction. Sort of Amazes me. LOL My main GOAL for the rest of my life, not just 2015 is that I live a peaceful life, filled with good things, good thoughts, and without some of the bad choices I’ve made in the past creeping up on me again.

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