Sometimes in the “information age” something makes headlines because it happens to someone famous, and sometimes because it is so outrageous, and the following story is both. A famous woman is attacked by her husband in public, and caught on camera doing so. Of course he denies it was anything other than he was just holding on to her throat to “make a point during a disagreement.”
Nigella Lawson, a well known cook and author, was with her husband Charles Saatchi eating in an outdoor venue when photographers caught the graphic event in photographs that show vividly just how hard he was pressing into his wife’s throat.
She at first took the children and is no longer living in the marital home, but he makes light of the whole incident. Subsequent news reports indicate that she “wants to fix the relationship” with her husband, but she is for now living in an apartment.
Here is a link to the photographs of the incident.
It is unfortunate that many individuals involved in abusive relationships are “trauma bonded” to their abusers. This was first noticed in Stockholm Sweden during a bank robbery where the robbers took several women hostage. The event didn’t last long, but at the end of it, the women were fighting the police to protect their kidnappers. One woman even waited ten years until one of the robbers got out of prison and married him.
Patty Hearst was kidnapped and became trauma bonded to her kidnappers, and actually helped them rob a bank. Jaycee Dugard who was kidnapped and held for 19 years was also trauma bonded to her attacker, and “could” have escaped, but the bond held her there.
Patrick Carnes, PhD wrote a wonderful book describing why people stay with and are bonded to their abusers, called The Betrayal Bond.
In my professional life as a family nurse practitioner I have observed many women, both in their homes and in shelters who would not stay away from their abusers. That bond brings them back if they do escape, or keeps them locked in the relationship so that they feel helpless to escape. At some point when the abuser is playing “nicey” and stopping the abuse it is perceived as actual kindness just not to be beaten. Many people keep this abuse secret from even their closest friends and family members because it engenders shame in the victim.
I have no doubt that this man is a violent abuser in the privacy of their home, out of the eyes and prying cameras of the media. Will she pretend all is well, and stay with him or leave? I don’t know the answer to that, but that woman needs help, she needs to get herself and her children away from this man, and stay away. All the “anger management classes” in the world won’t help someone like her husband stop the abuse.
While this woman is wealthy beyond belief, educated, and has “all the advantages” the world can provide, she is still not immune from being abused. Domestic abuse doesn’t just happen out of the blue, it builds. Like for example, I have no doubt that Lacy Petersen was abused prior to her murder, and that she kept it secret from her family, putting on the mask of “happy” and “wonderful” because she wasn’t able to admit that her husband was an abuser, and she died because she was unable to admit she was being abused, even to herself. Hopefully this public display of abuse will help this woman to separate from this man and get some help for herself.
Here is the latest article I found on her living situation.