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Jun 252013

Charles SaatchiSometimes in the “information age” something makes headlines because it happens to someone famous, and sometimes because it is so outrageous, and the following story is both. A famous woman is attacked by her husband in public, and caught on camera doing so. Of course he denies it was anything other than he was just holding on to her throat to “make a point during a disagreement.”

Nigella Lawson, a well known cook and author, was with her husband Charles Saatchi eating in an outdoor venue when photographers caught the graphic event in photographs that show vividly just how hard he was pressing into his wife’s throat.

She at first took the  children and is no longer living in the marital home, but he makes light of the whole incident. Subsequent news reports indicate that she “wants to fix the relationship” with her husband, but she is for now living in an apartment.

Here is a link to the photographs of the incident.


Théodore Géricault (1791-1824) – Woman alienated by envy monomania (the Hyena of Salpêtrière), 1820-1824 ca. oil on canvas, 72 x 58 cm. Art Gallery, Lyon


Here is another couple of links to this story.

It is unfortunate that many individuals involved in abusive relationships are “trauma bonded” to their abusers. This was first noticed in Stockholm Sweden during a bank robbery where the robbers took several women hostage. The event didn’t last long, but at the end of it, the women were fighting the police to protect their kidnappers. One woman even waited ten years until one of the robbers got out of prison and married him.

Patty Hearst was kidnapped and became trauma bonded to her kidnappers, and actually helped them rob a bank. Jaycee Dugard who was kidnapped and held for 19 years was also trauma bonded to her attacker, and “could” have escaped, but the bond held her there.

Patrick Carnes, PhD wrote a wonderful book describing why people stay with and are bonded to their abusers, called The Betrayal Bond.

In my professional life as a family nurse practitioner I have observed many women, both in their homes and in shelters who would not stay away from their abusers. That bond brings them back if they do escape, or keeps them locked in the relationship so that they feel helpless to escape. At some point when the abuser is playing “nicey” and stopping the abuse it is perceived as actual kindness just not to be beaten. Many people keep this abuse secret from even their closest friends and family members because it engenders shame in the victim.

I have no doubt that this man is a violent abuser in the privacy of their home, out of the eyes and prying cameras of the media. Will she pretend all is well, and stay with him or leave? I don’t know the answer to that, but that woman needs help, she needs to get herself and her children away from this man, and stay away. All the “anger management classes” in the world won’t help someone like her husband stop the abuse.

While this woman is wealthy beyond belief, educated, and has “all the advantages” the world can provide, she is still not immune from being abused. Domestic abuse doesn’t just happen out of the blue, it builds. Like for example, I have no doubt that Lacy Petersen was abused prior to her murder, and that she kept it secret from her family, putting on the mask of “happy” and “wonderful” because she wasn’t able to admit that her husband was an abuser, and she died because she was unable to admit she was being abused, even to herself.  Hopefully this public display of abuse will help this woman to separate from this man and get some help for herself.

Here is the latest article I found on her living situation.


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  62 Responses to “Nigella Lawson’s abusive marriage DV occurs in all social levels

  1. Joyce,

    I noticed how the two pictures resembled each other – they look like the same person, only different times in history and sexes. Amazing. Nigella, stay free. May the force of Good be with you.

  2. Yea, Sky finds the greatest photos for illustrations. She is right on too, the facial expressions are identical.

  3. UPDATE: Now Nigella’s scumbag soon-to-be X is ranting and threatening to kill himself if she doesn’t take him back. LOL She should be so lucky. He is not a “mad man”he is a psychopathic abuser.


  4. Classic spath. Needs to control and will threaten to kill himself. She shouldn’t have responded.This guy is dangerous because he is desperate. His mask has been pulled off and he has nowhere to hide. He can’t even slime his victim the way that spaths prefer to do when they separate.

  5. Yea, that creep make makes Tony Weiner look like a prince….LOL I hope Nigella keeps her family close and they protect her from him. BlueJay’s husband did the same takiing off and disappearing and leaving SUICIDE NOTES to his pre teen kids and his ex wife and then later sent more suicide letters….what a creep. That suicide threat stuff is an attempt at utter CONTROL, just like you said. “Do what I want or I will kill myself and you will feel guilty” LOL Personally I would mail him some poison and say, “Here, this will give you a painless death, if you’re serious about doing yourself in, here’s the means” HAVE A NICE TRIP. LOL

    • Joyce,

      When the spath went on the run from the law, he left suicide letters (a bunch of them to different people) in our mailbox. That’s how I discovered what he was up to. While he was on the run, he wrote letters to me and the kids, filled with a mixture of truth and lies (but not able to tell what was what), acting like he was on some adventure. What bothers me is the emotional agony that we went through over his scheme. If he were to pull a stunt like that today, I refuse to react – he can do what he wants. To this day, he claims he had a complete mental breakdown, never admitting to the fact that he took off because he was in trouble with the law. I have slowly realized that these people are mentally unstable.

      • BlueJay,
        I know how you feel. I had seen the spath pull stunts before –audacious stunts. But when he pulled his last stunt on me, it was the most RIDICULOUS audacity I’d ever seen. He used every single cop that he’d accumulated, from homeland security to the local sheriff, to my spath BIL cop. He called the suicide prevention line and had them on the phone for an hour, crying about his suicidal wife, until they sent the cops to my parents’ house. It was off the charts how insane he went. The desperation was palpable. This, behavior, coming from a man that can’t feel anything at all, well it really is mind boggling.

        If you watch Arial Castro’s clown-act, at his sentencing, you get a sense of the same maudlin performance. They begin by telling you how sensitive they are, how they’ve been hurt, how it’s someone else’s fault: YOURS.

        The bizarre thing is that they know they are lying, but they desperately try to summon up a smidgen of their shallow emotions in order to make their story BECOME REAL. And so, what they are really doing, is torturing themselves (as much as they can) so that they can pull off the act.

        Just insane. I think a zap of electricity would cure them.

  6. Joyce,
    I actually handled that issue when I was young — I think 18 or 19 years old. I was living with ex-spath but I went to visit my parents one day. The spath-brother was living in the basement. I can’t remember why, but he told me he was going to kill himself. So I called the cops. My parents backed me up and spath bro was taken away to the mental ward. It’s THAT easy.

    The truth is, I believed him, back then. And I didn’t know what else to do. I was scared and wanted to help him so badly. The mental hospital held him for 5 days. During that time, NOBODY went to visit him except me. Another clue that I totally missed. Nobody else cared.

    When I visited spath bro in the hospital, he begged me to tell them that I had lied, so he would be released. Being in the mental hospital was driving him crazy. (Pun intended.)

    Of course, I did not recant. But my spath bro NEVER threatened suicide again. I guess spaths CAN learn!

    Nigella should just turn the spath in for threatening suicide and have him taken away for observation.

  7. I agree totally, Skylar!!! you handled your brother’s threat 100% RIGHT!

    But the public outing of this “suicide threat” is probably, in this case, TOTALLY UNMASKING HIM which is worse than being locked up…For people like your brother, being locked up is TORTURE, but with this jerk, being shown up in the newspapers as a LOSER and abuser is totally TORTURE, as his IMAGE is more important than anything and since he has NO class, he is making his own unmasking worse, that was what started this whole thing was being CAUGHT by the papers choking his wife, unmasking him for what he is. I LOVE IT!!!!


    Nigella is accused by Saatchi of ‘illegal acts’ in apparent bid to smear her reputation

    Charles Saatchi, 70, accused Nigella of potentially criminal behaviour
    Unsubstantiated claims made to a Sunday newspaper but not published
    Fears could damage her career while she is preparing to film LA TV series

    By Daily Mail Reporter

    PUBLISHED: 18:01 EST, 11 August 2013 | UPDATED: 07:03 EST, 12 August 2013




    The war of words between Charles Saatchi and Nigella Lawson intensified last night after he claimed the TV chef had taken part in ‘illegal acts’.

    Mr Saatchi, 70, accused Nigella of potentially criminal behaviour in an apparent bid to smear her wholesome reputation.

    The unsubstantiated claims – which were made to a Sunday newspaper but not published – could damage her career at a time when she is preparing to film a TV series in Los Angeles.

  9. I bet Nigella is knowing PEACE and QUIET, not having her husband around. No one will believe anything that her husband say’s about Nigella because people think that he is the unstable one, the bully. Hopefully, Nigella is slowly waking up to the fact that her husband is an abusive man – she’s better off without him. Most decent people would root for Nigella, wanting her to be free of her husband.

  10. Amen to that Blue, and I continue to follow this story to see what the ultimate out come is. Does she go back to the creep, as many abused spouses do, or will she break free of him. Fortunately she has money of her own and apparently supportive family as well as her older children.

    Charles’ teenaged daughter is being used by him as a way to target Nigella….and though she is older than the children most used by rejected spouses to target the other spouse, she is being used by her father, and I am sure emotionally abused as well. I agree that nigella should stay away from him and his other children and maybe at some point when she had a divorce and some healing under her belt, she can reconnect with those older kids if she wishes to.

  11. UPDATE: Well, here is an interesting turn of events! How much of Nigella’s “secret” is true and how much is a smear campaign? Did these personal assistants spend all that money with her approval, or was it blackmail payments? If they spent so much on his company credit card, why didn’t his accountants catch it before now?” Lots of unanswered questions in all this.

    I’m not surprised that he would use a “smear campaign” against her after their divorce was filed after his public physical abuse of Nigella…but, how much of that smear campaign is actually true is yet to be seen.


    • Joyce, this update on Nigella’s horrid court battles comes as no surprise, though it is repulsive, on every level.

      Being involved with an abuser, and divorcing from one is fraught with misery, and I hope to gawd that Nigella has a competent attorney and a good, strong circle of support and encouragement.

      What an ugly mess……..and, all in view of a public eye. Eugh….

  12. I hope her drug use is untrue….but even if it is true….that is no excuse for that man to abuse her. This man is a control freak in my opinion and she needs free from him and if the drug use is true, she needs to go to rehab and get her life straight. God bless her and her children.

  13. Even if she did use drugs, I’m sure the accounts are exaggerated.

    Spath painted me as a suicidal, drug addicted, alcoholic. Sometimes I would get sleeping pills prescribed and spath made me out to be an addict. A glass of wine, and I was an alcoholic. Spath never drank, never used medications. That’s because he is a control freak and his addiction is to power and control. He thinks anyone who relaxes is “weak”.

    So yes, they are all the same. They act the same, they use the same methods of slander, they have the same addictions to power and control.

    I don’t think we need to worry about Nigella, she got rid of the biggest anchor around her neck: Charles.

    • Sky, that’s the most audacious thing that abusers do: project. It doesn’t matter if she did drugs, or not. Who really cares? It’s just a means to misdirect the focus AWAY from his abuse and ONTO her personal choices.

      You are 150% spot-the-hayell-on that they ALL do the same things, act the same way, and use the same methods in defense of their own actions. To read the exspath’s response to my divorce action is actually humorous. He couldn’t think of anything else that I did “wrong,” so he attempted to paint me as an emotional wreck, and that was the extent of his complaint. I, on the other hand, provided evidence of his secret double-life, and promised to present 10 inches of documentation (literally, 10 inches) that clearly proved his forgeries and thefts, at trial.

      The “bad people” believe that the louder you yell and the more outrageous the accusations, the more likely they are to WIN whatever point they’re trying to make. Well, watch and wait. I believe that Nigella will be just fine and be able to walk away from that wormy, skeevy guy with her head held up in defiance.

  14. skylar,

    I like how you think, how you express yourself. Your last sentence is perfect – “I don’t think we need to worry about Nigella, she got rid of the biggest anchor around her neck: Charles. True. True.

  15. Good comments all three of you!!!!

  16. Truthspeak,

    Yeh, that’s how Charles does come across – a “wormy, skeevy guy.” A good description of him. Nigella is on her way up and out, away from the ex. Maybe, she’s seeing that she doesn’t need him for anything, that she’s just fine on her own.

  17. I hope you are right Bluejay…we don’t have to be “perfect” ourselves in order to deserve RESPECT from others…even if she was drugging, it is still NOT OKAY for him to abuse her.

    If we love someone who is doing wrong (like drugs) we first try to start getting them HELP if they are at all willing, but we do NOT abuse them…that dog won’t hunt.

    No matter how you slice it, ABUSE IS NEVER OKAY….try to help then (to a reasonable degree if they are willing) or if they will not get clean, sober, or act responsibly, then we should leave…but we should never stay and abuse them.

    Even with your own teenaged children there comes a point you have to “let go and let God” as they say.

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