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Sep 082013
 

I recently ran across a wonderful site the PANDORA dot org….it is a blog and education site for survivors of sexual (and other) abuse with all kinds of services for survivors to help them heal.

The address is http://www.pandorasproject.org/ and just so it isn’t lost, I have linked to the site on FamilyArrested so that people who need this kind of support will be able to easily locate this site.

As a survivor myself of incest/rape I know just how alone sexual abuse survivors are. Especially when there is no one to talk to or even anyone who believes you.

Having worked with victims of sexual abuse, and having been frustrated to the maximum in unsuccessfully trying to get some of the perps arrested, tried and sent to prison for what they had done, I applaud this site for being there for these survivors. I muddled through years of pain and shame because of my own abuse, and I think I have finally come to acceptance that it was in no way my fault, that I was not to blame, and that it doesn’t really make any difference of anyone believes me or not, the truth is the truth, if no one believes it.
An illustration I have frequently used to illustrate this point (though actually it isn’t totally true as there were a few others who also believed the world was round) is about  Columbus, who thought the world was round, in a time when most Europeans thought it was flat, the fact that their beliefs were the majority in his culture and accepted as fact, and that he was ridiculed for his belief in a round world, did not change the shape of the globe of our world.

Unfortunately many times it is difficult for us to be the only one to validate our own truths, the things that we know to be FACTS. Sexual abuse is fraught with shame as well, and I have counseled those whose entire family were sexually abusing several members. One member of that family took her own life, and one of the sons who was abused lived in shame his entire life until he eventually realized and accepted that the shame was not his, it was his parents and his older brother’s shame. The fact that they did not recognize or acknowledge this shame, or feel it, does not mean that the man should go on feeling that shame.

It really doesn’t matter if abuse is sexual or emotional or physical, abuse wounds us deeply, and if it is abuse at the hands of someone we love (such as a parent, a sibling, a grandparent etc) the abuse is even more wounding because of the betrayal aspect as well as the abuse itself. The site mentions their name which represents Pandora’s box, which when opened released all evil into the world, and when the evil had flown out, only one thing remained in the box, HOPE. And that is the thing that we must hold on to for ourselves, hope for ourselves to heal.

I hope that my readers here will check out this site, even if you are not a sexual abuse survivor, there’s a lot of good information for any survivor. God bless.

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  7 Responses to “Sexual abuse information”

  1. Joyce, THANK YOU for posting the link!!!!!!!!!!

    You know a lot of my story, and sexual abuse is fraught with SHAME. Victims are often subjected to victim-blame and ridicule – something that THEY did egged the perpetrator on, or they could have somehow prevented it from happening. Even CHILDREN are blamed for being sexually abused.

    I mean, how does one “explain” how they were raped by a spouse, companion, or family member? Sexual abuse is the most “intimate” abuse because of the ramification of “sex” being involved. It’s NOT ABOUT SEX!!!!!!!! It’s not even about sexual gratification. It’s about control, power, and degradation. That’s it. Just because sex organs are involved doesn’t make it something titillating – it’s the worst and most humiliating form of abuse that I survived.

    Again, thank you so much for this link. I hope that more people will visit the link and help themselves.

  2. Thank you for the link! I was speaking to a friend of mine last night and sent her the link here today actually. She has been thru it and also Spath 101. Some of the things she was telling me either made little to no sense or flew over my head as I wasn’t ready to ‘hear’ the information.

    I will be keeping it on the radar as I’m pretty sure I will be needing it in the days to come.

  3. I was really impressed with their site and their services as a non profit. There is such a need and the statistics for those who have been sexually abused in some way are sobering for sure, and I am going to say that I don’t think the known ones are much more than the tip of the ice berg. As a survivor of incest and rape I can tell you that “back in the day” when I was raped there was no support and if there had been I would have been ashamed to ask for it. We blame ourselves when they are the ones to be blamed and shamed.

    • Joycie, the thing about sexual abuse is that it delivers SUCH a dreadful shame for the victim. Victims of sexual crimes need to know that they aren’t alone and that (more is the pity) there are more victims than they could even imagine. Almost everyone that I know experienced some kind of sexual misconduct, assault, molestation, rape, etc. during their lifetime.

      The first exspath had extreme control issues and, IMHO, did NOT like women, whatsoever, but found gratification in the humiliation and degradation OF women. He would often refer to how women “…control men with their v&ginas.” Well……this was also expressed in spousal rape and sexual degradation. I thought that I was alone in these experiences. And, this is simply not true.

      The second exspath was so depraved and sick that it was beyond my ability to comprehend. But, what my discovery did (among other things) was to EXPLAIN some of what was wrong.

      The intimate nature of sexual abuse cannot be understated – it is something that is still, to this day, misunderstood. And, understanding what the nature of these types of crimes are is vital – imperative – for victims to begin recovering.

      Yeah, I’m sorting all of the shame out, Joyce. I’m sorting it out, lining it up, and shooting it down. Thanks, again, for this timely article and link.

  4. Tip of the iceburg for sure. If the average sexual molester has over 300 incidents by the time they are caught the first time, I can only imagine what they find when opening Pandora’s box. The offenders are definitely slick, sick creatures.

  5. Phoenix, that number 300 is from Anna Salter, PhD’s book, Predators, about pedophiles, and yea it is a SCARY SCARY thing. To get tht number they went into prisons and interviewed pedophiles under IMMUNITY for anything they said, and got them to tell how many molestations they had done before being caught the first time and the numbers from that study estimated from 150-300. Pedophiles are sneaky predators.

    And what is worse, we always seem to think of pedophiles and ;molesters as HE, but if you go to http://www.female-offenders.com which is the web site of some friends of mine who are professional therapists you will find that about HALF OF ALL SEXUAL ABUSE IS BY WOMEN, yep, you heard that right WOMEN, but only a small fraction of it is ever prosecuted, but that IS CHANGING. Look at the news where you see articles about female teachers (gay and straight) who have molested students etc. In the old days if a 13 yer old boy had sex with a 30 year old teacher the “attitude” was that he REALLY GOT LUCKY, but now at least the law (if not the good old boys) realize that this is SEXUAL MOLESTATION and is not a “good thing” for that boy.

    Look at Jerry Sandusky–how many times do you think he had sex with one of those boys before he got caught the first time, but of course the “good old boy” network closed ranks around him so he could continue abusing children. The same way the “good old boy” network closed ranks around Charles “Jackie” Walls III who was molesting cub scouts for DECADES. This allowed the abuse to continue in both cases. The Sheriff in Jackie Wall’s case said he didn’t even investigate the allegations of the kids because he “knew Jackie wouldn’t do THAT” Yea, right!

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