Unfortunately the courts don’t seem to get it about domestic abuse. Some of the judges seem to think that just because a man is a serious wife beater, that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to be a “good parent.”
I have a friend right now, whose ex husband seriously abused her and in Colorado where she lives there is a program where you can keep your residence hidden from someone you have a restraining order against. She did have and does have a restraining order, yet she has to “share” her son with this man. This man also some how seems to find her no matter how many times she moves. He seems to enjoy this game of cat and mouse.
The boy is only seven years old and is totally terrified of his father, who banged his head against the wall, in fact, the child has been diagnosed with PTSD, and yet he must go visit this man and there is currently going on even as we speak a court hearing. One of the experts involved in the case labeled her a liar and a danger to her son, and for six weeks she has had only supervised visitation. Even with her son’s therapist, the school therapist, his teachers, etc. in the mother’s court. This one man with a mission has devastated both mother and son.
She testified for a legislative hearing in her state in getting a bill passed to protect women and children from abusive partners. This man was testifying against the bill, and made the statement that he would “show” these uppity women and get revenge on them. Well, guess who her husband hired? Yep, the very same man.
I am aware of another case where the mother begged the court not to give her ex unsupervised visitation. He had abused her violently just before the baby was born. He was also a “person of interest” in two deaths which he just “happened” to have a life insurance policy on. Well, low and behold, on the second unsupervised visit the 18 month old baby died….with a life insurance policy of over $500,000. The boy was drowned, though the father claimed he had a seizure and he was just trying to cool him off with some water and lower his fever. The father was arrested, but AFTER the fact. Now the first two deaths are being re-investigated.
Why don’t the courts see that people who are violent against one person will be violent against others?
Many times the parents, one or both, use the kids as battering rams to hurt the other parent, and of course the child gets the worst of the trauma, but the nurturing parent who is trying to protect their child from the violent offender is helpless to do much when the courts order visitation.
There was a case about 20 years ago where a mother took her two children and fled to Holland and received asylum there. When the kids were 18 they came back to the states, but there was still a kidnapping charge against the mother. Eventually with the testimony of the now adult children about what they had had done to them by their father, the mother was able to return to the US.
There are also cases where the abuser kidnaps the children and manages to stay hidden for years, or even decades.
So the nurturing parent has to risk a kidnapping charge if they take the child(ren) and run. Many people don’t have the resources to even attempt that option. So the children suffer.
For those of you who believe in God, please pray for my friend “Jane” and her son “Tom” that they are reunited soon and that the continued abuse will be stopped. And pray for all the other children who are in the same kind of situation with one abusive parent using them to hurt the other parent.
Jesus said (Paraphrased) “the person who hurts one of these little ones, would be better off with a millstone tied around his neck and tossed into the sea.” I don’t doubt that there is a “hot spot in Hades” for people like this that abuse little children, but in the meantime, our courts need to be educated about domestic violence and the consequences for children.