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Aug 212014



Tribute to a survivor

Today I received the sad news that my friend “Milo” will likely pass away today. She has been suffering from terminal bone cancer which was only recently discovered. Milo’s husband told me that she considered me and a couple of other survivors who have shared our healing paths for the last several years as “sisters.”

Milo and her husband have been raising the son of their adopted daughter since he was a toddler, fighting all the time to keep the influence of their personality disordered daughter from sinking the child, and now, young man. She and her husband willingly gave up their dream to retire to a vacation cabin in Montana several years ago in order to keep on working during their “golden” years so that they could raise the “Grand.”

This young man became their “lives” and she distanced herself from the daughter who had all the usual problems of the personality disordered, including a criminal record.

In addition to fighting to keep the child safe from the biological parent, they also had to fight the greedy psychologists who were hired by the courts to “represent” the child’s interest, who kept the various legal issues going only in order to increase their outrageous fees which had to be paid by Milo and her husband because their daughter didn’t have a dime.

Fortunately, Milo was able to live long enough to see the young man mature enough that when his maternal unit tried to make her mother’s illness about her not Milo, the young man told the woman where she could deposit her interferences

During the years I knew Milo, and depended on her sage and sane advice to keep me from “going off the deep end,” she never failed to bring me back to rational thought. She also provided plenty of laughs and shared the good times as well. She and several other friends and I formed a “group” called the “Fukit girls” and we daily sent e mails to everyone in the group with our news, both good and bad, and called each other to vent when we were about to explode. She never failed to see the humor in the awful and make me laugh no matter how sad I was

When I heard Milo’s diagnosis this summer, only a few weeks ago, I knew that her life’s journey would soon end. When cancer is so far progressed that it has eaten the bones into dust, the average life span is about three months. I felt sorry for myself as much as sorrow for her pain and grief at looking forward to her own death.

There wasn’t any “treatment” for her cancer, though the doctors did give her radiation treatments to try to decrease the pain she was in, but even that had bad side effects, that left her lying in bed only able to lie flat, not even raise her head. She was able to come home, though, at least for a few days before I got the call today.

I cried and I cried when I got the news, but it wasn’t just  for Milo’s passing, but for my own loss of her wisdom and support, because there are definitely times when a peaceful passing is preferable to a painful existence here on earth. Bon Voyage, Milo, you are and always will be loved, not only by your loving husband, your wonderful grandson, and your sons, and your adopted son, but by other survivors  whose journey you shared. God bless you and your family.

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 Posted by at 4:16 pm

  7 Responses to “Tribute to “Milo” A survivor extraordinaire

  1. Article up

    • Dearest Joyce…………….I have no words to express my sadness. Certainly, my grief is for the loss of an amazingly strong and courageous human being, but for the loss of wisdom and encouragement the Milo so willingly shared.

      I feel heartbroken, but I also feel so angry that Milo had no chance to fight this dreadful condition. What a sudden and tragic loss of one of Life’s Blessings that I had the privilege to meet, in brief, on this path of recovery.

      Godspeed, Milo…………godspeed, dear, dear one………..

  2. I am speechless. Over the years, she fought “the good fight,” trying her best to help her grandson stay out of his bio mother’s clutches. Peace to Milo.

  3. yea, Gals, Milo did have an amazing store of strength and wisdom which she did willilngly share and she had an amazingly strong will to continue the fight for her grandson to have a normal life. He’s not “grown” completely now, but he’s in the teens and I think he is going to be okay now. He still has his grandfather and his good amish neighbors and friends, he does well in school so I think and pray that he will be okay. She fought tooth and nail to defend that boy from the abuse heaped on him by his mother.

    Erin Brock said to me “well, now we will have our very own angel looking out for us.” God rest her soul.

    • Holy cow………….tears are just streaming, here. What a sad loss…….but, what a courageous testament to the human soul. She accomplished a great deal, and she was always encouraging to others. Wow……..

  4. Yeas, Truthy, I’ve been crying for weeks, anticipating our loss of Milo…after the diagnosis, which came because of the tremendous pain she had in her back (the cancer turmors were tur4ning her back bones to saw dust) I knew the ultimate outcome and knew too that it wouldn’t be long, but would be painful. I started grieving for her months ago, and grieving with her. She knew from the diagnosis that it wouldn’t be long. I know it was a shock for this very independent woman to go over night so to speak into a bed-fast patient, both to her and her family, but sometimes knowing in advance gives us time to tie up loose ends emotionally and otherwise, where sudden ends like a car wreck leave us even more stunned.

    She was very fortunate to have a loving husband and sons, community and friends to support her as well as be able to say her goodbyes. My grief is purely selfish, but I am so glad that I got to know and love this remarkable woman and if I come to a place where I don’t know what to do, I’ll just ask myself “what would Milo do?” and then I’ll know the answer.

  5. Such a beautiful tribute to Milo.

    May she rest in peace.

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