Tribute to a survivor
Today I received the sad news that my friend “Milo” will likely pass away today. She has been suffering from terminal bone cancer which was only recently discovered. Milo’s husband told me that she considered me and a couple of other survivors who have shared our healing paths for the last several years as “sisters.”
Milo and her husband have been raising the son of their adopted daughter since he was a toddler, fighting all the time to keep the influence of their personality disordered daughter from sinking the child, and now, young man. She and her husband willingly gave up their dream to retire to a vacation cabin in Montana several years ago in order to keep on working during their “golden” years so that they could raise the “Grand.”
This young man became their “lives” and she distanced herself from the daughter who had all the usual problems of the personality disordered, including a criminal record.
In addition to fighting to keep the child safe from the biological parent, they also had to fight the greedy psychologists who were hired by the courts to “represent” the child’s interest, who kept the various legal issues going only in order to increase their outrageous fees which had to be paid by Milo and her husband because their daughter didn’t have a dime.
Fortunately, Milo was able to live long enough to see the young man mature enough that when his maternal unit tried to make her mother’s illness about her not Milo, the young man told the woman where she could deposit her interferences
During the years I knew Milo, and depended on her sage and sane advice to keep me from “going off the deep end,” she never failed to bring me back to rational thought. She also provided plenty of laughs and shared the good times as well. She and several other friends and I formed a “group” called the “Fukit girls” and we daily sent e mails to everyone in the group with our news, both good and bad, and called each other to vent when we were about to explode. She never failed to see the humor in the awful and make me laugh no matter how sad I was
When I heard Milo’s diagnosis this summer, only a few weeks ago, I knew that her life’s journey would soon end. When cancer is so far progressed that it has eaten the bones into dust, the average life span is about three months. I felt sorry for myself as much as sorrow for her pain and grief at looking forward to her own death.
There wasn’t any “treatment” for her cancer, though the doctors did give her radiation treatments to try to decrease the pain she was in, but even that had bad side effects, that left her lying in bed only able to lie flat, not even raise her head. She was able to come home, though, at least for a few days before I got the call today.
I cried and I cried when I got the news, but it wasn’t just for Milo’s passing, but for my own loss of her wisdom and support, because there are definitely times when a peaceful passing is preferable to a painful existence here on earth. Bon Voyage, Milo, you are and always will be loved, not only by your loving husband, your wonderful grandson, and your sons, and your adopted son, but by other survivors whose journey you shared. God bless you and your family.