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An extremely sad story — 6 Comments

  1. Oh Snap!

    I have faced down a sort of similar situation (home intruder) and although nobody was shot (lucky for him), I know to this day where I stand and if I could pull the trigger or not. The officer that responded, asked if I thought the intruder was drunk? Not the way he lit out on the run. If he was, he sure sobered up in a hurry! The officer told me that people usually have no idea how they will react or if they actually COULD shoot at someone, until they are IN that situation… (Bold is merely for emphasis)

    This is true. Until we are there and feel threatened, scared everything else, all at once… We. just. don’t. know. Some of us can keep a cool head under extreme pressure. Others cannot. Some of us can get thru the tragedy and drama as it unfolds without missing a beat, others get thru it and “lose it” later on after things settle down. Still others cannot keep it together long enough to get thru things.

    This will certainly have a profound affect on the young man, but it could go one of two ways. He could be shaken up and quite disturbed for a long time over it OR he and his mother may finally be able to breathe a sigh of well deserved and much needed RELIEF.

    Since his mother had a restraining order against the dad and it was extended to May of next year, it sounds like there was reasonable cause for the courts to put one in place. The dad was masked and wearing dark clothes, obviously broke into the house- so yes, I believe it was self defense. It’s pretty sad considering it was his dad, but at the same time, no great loss either if that makes sense.

  2. Phoenix I agree with your entire post…it IS sad that the young man HAD TO kill the intruder. In A later interview with the young man he said he knew it was his father by the tattoos and the body shape when he pulled the trigger. So I don’t think there was any “shock” when the mask was pulled off.

    I have also faced life and death situations when I was much younger, and was definitely “excited” but kept my head. Once when my girlfriend and I were in a car broken down on a major freeway a man kept coming by and wanting us to go with him, we would tell him no and then he would drive off only to come back (having drive 10 miles to the nearest exit to turn around) the third time he came back he tried to pull my friend into his car, at which point I pointed my pistol at him and told him to leave. It is amazing how even a very drunk person “sobers up” some when confronted with a gun in the face. I didn’t have to pull the trigger but I was completely ready to do so. I’m glad I didn’t have to pull the trigger but JUST being armed I think saved our lives.

    But yes, I agree that if we’d had to pull the triggers and did take someone’s life it would have had an impact on us, but I don’t think it would have “ruined” my life with guilt because I would never harm someone without life threatening provocation. So I am hoping that the young man can see he did the ONLY thing possible under the circumstances.

    • I’m so sorry that I missed this article – for whatever reason, new comments and articles are not visible to me unless I login, so I can’t “drop by” the blog and check to see what’s new. 🙁

      On topic – I feel so badly for the mother and her son. I really cannot imagine what they’re dealing with, at this point. I hope that they both have plenty of support in family, friends, and therapy.

      I can say that I attacked the second exspath after I found evidence of his own making that he had been engaging in some of the most depraved s-exual behaviors with other people, after having denied it for 5 weeks, never wavering from the denial, but with ME knowing different. I can also say that I had never felt more wretched in my entire life – to attack someone was so far out of my character that I immediately entered therapy.

      What this young man did was to defend his mother, first and foremost. That the intruder turned out to be his father will be a terrible fact that he’ll need to manage for the rest of his life. His father was a bad egg, to be sure. And, it’s just ONE MORE example that a restraining order is great, in theory, but doesn’t always work in any event.

      So, so sad……….and I send out positive thoughts, prayers, and energies for these folks.

  3. You’re right, Truthy, the restraining order is simply a piece of paper and it doesn’t stop bullets or knives, BUT it does paint a target between their eyes IF you must use deadly force against them. In Arkansas there are three levels of orders and the first two are not felonies to violate, only the Order of Protection, but any of them give you some leverage if they violate them or if you must use deadly force.

    For typical people with a conscience, hurting someone else hurts them, but having to use deadly force against anyone effects you even worse if you have a conscience. Look at what it does to our soldiers who return from war having killed or seen killed other people, even though these people may be the “enemy” and shooting at them in turn.

    We train our soldiers that it is okay to use deadly force against the enemy soldiers, and yet, we see the results of this every day with soldiers returning with PTSD.

    Examining our own willingness to use deadly force if necessary I think is a good thing. I do not want to kill any one under any circumstances, BUT that said, I made up my mind a long time ago that I WILL protect myself FROM the use of a deadly threat from others, even if it does mean I have to wound or kill the perp. even if that perp is my son Patrick or one of his friends that he has sent to kill me.

    What you did in attacking the psychopathic husband is a natural and normal, response to deep hurt, and I do not doubt that it is not in your “usual character.” Believe me, Truthy, when I tell you I have had thoughts of murder in my heart through all my trials and tribulations, but my conscience will not let me carry out those deadly ideas. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have reacted like you did and slapped or hit someone under those circumstances. There’s a big difference in deciding to kill someone and in smacking someone who has severely hurt you. A person with a conscience will NOT plot and plan to kill someone and then carry out that plan.

    That young man had obviously made up his mind about his father and his father’s intentions toward his mother, and though he said he realized it WAS his father in those few seconds before he shot, he had obviously made up his mind that he could and would defend his mother from his father in such an event. I would also be willing to say that he was not too much surprised about what his father was doing. I’m sure it will have some profound effects though when the reality of it all sinks in, but at least he and his mother do not have to worry about that man stalking or harming them ever again and that’s got to be some relief there. God bless that woman and her son.

    • I just hope that the mother and the son get involved in some supportive counseling. I cannot imagine what both of those people must be experiencing. Eugh….

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