A recent media flap over an NFL player who knocked his fiance, now wife, unconscious, then dragged her out of an elevator has brought about a media storm when the NFL, after seeing the video of this banned the player for “life” (which really may NOT be “for life” as there is now talk ab out it being “too harsh”) then the woman married him, and now blames the media for “ruining our lives.”
The publicity though, has caused a dramatic rise in the calls to domestic violence hot lines. A recent article in Huffington Post by Marlo Thomas
states, in part:
Here’s the telephone number:
Grab a pencil, write it on a post-it note, put it in plain view, memorize it. It’s the National Domestic Violence Hotline, and if you’re being abused, they can help you. They’ll pick you up, they’ll take you — and your children, if you have them — to a domestic violence shelter or to another kind of safe house. It won’t be your parents’ house or your best friend’s house, because he’ll know where that is, and you’ll be putting those people in jeopardy, too. But the people on the other end of the line will help you. They know what you’re going through, and they’ll take you to safety.
“And that’s where your life will start again,” domestic violence expert Dr. Jill Murray, told me on Tuesday. “It won’t be the life that you once had with the guy. You will be safe, you’ll be alive and you’ll be able to live the rest of your life and raise your children.”
The article is an excellent one and encourages people to GET OUT of toxic, abusive relationships. One of the most important points it makes, I think is the “Love is a Behavior not a feeling” view.
“Love is a Behavior, Not a Feeling.”
“Feelings of love can be anything, depending on what you want them to be. But if you think about love as a behavior, then you cannot stay in an abusive relationship. You can’t say, ‘He cheats on me, therefore he loves me. He hits me, therefore he loves me. He calls me names, therefore he loves me.’ It doesn’t matter how many times he says, ‘I love you baby — you’re the most important thing to me.’ Just look at his behavior, and that will tell you what love is.“
As a Christian and trying to follow the commands of Jesus, the command to “love your neighbor as yourself” and “love your enemies” confused me until I realized that “love” is not a “squishy feeling” but ACTIONS. We should “love” (treat others honorably) people, but that does NOT mean that we have to allow anyone to abuse us if we have any choice in the matter. We have a responsibility to ourselves and our children, if we have them, to protect our self and them. Staying in an abusive relationship is not living up to that responsibility.
When the people we do love abuse us, it is more painful than if a stranger did it, but us loving them does not make them love us. If someone acts abusive, their words of “love” are meaningless and only serve to hook us into staying in an abusive relationship. If you are abused get out before it becomes worse. Trust me, it will not get better. God bless.