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Domestic abuse as dating advice? — 6 Comments

  1. Joyce, I very much appreciate this article – October is the “official” awareness month for DV&A, but it’s such a frigging epidemic that every day should be a day of awareness.

    These tactics do, indeed, work like the proverbial charm. I’ve experienced EACH of them, and it makes me sick to think that there are people out there that would use them as tools for their personal gain. But……..as we must acknowledge……..there are such people out there, and their numbers are growing, daily.


  2. Truthy, I am not sure if the numbers are increasing percentage wise in the population, but I think that at least some of us are becoming more AWARE of this kind of tactic. Unfortunately, too many people who are LIVING abuse don’t “get it” that these are tactics that can be learned as well as instinctive. About 75% of domestic abusers are psychopaths, full-on, without conscience and plenty of feelings of entitlement to whatever they can get away with. That this man is PROMOTING this and is actually finding a WILLING audience willing to PAY for this advice IS disturbing to me though. But the fact that there is BACKLASH against him is a good thing.

  3. Some men use these tactics covertly. My ex spath kept me from my job but I didn’t know it. I thought I just had poor health, when in fact he was poisoning me. He did take my money, but I thought I was giving it to someone who deserved it and who would pay me back. He used the pity ploy to do this.

    Pretty much anything he did to control me, he hid it under a veiled reason. In the end I did see it because I was so completely controlled that he didn’t even bother to hide it anymore. But that’s not how it starts. When it first starts, they make you think that it is YOUR decision to give him everything he wants.

    I’ve read some of these pick up artists websites. They are basically an instruction manual for how to be personality disordered and how to exhibit the traits of a borderline personality. It’s so strange to think that someone would pay money to learn how to be mentally ill.

  4. Yea, you are right about that Sky! Some people (not just men) use these tactics “naturally” and others seem to use them by “education” lilke this jerk is trying to do. Personally, though, I don’t think a “normal” man would sit still for “lessons” like these. Much less pay so much money for them. YUK!

    This man objectifies women and equates them with objects to be USED…and I think he is a psychopath at the very least. No conscience, and views women as prey.

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