I have a dear friend, I’ll call her Jane Smith, who is in the fight for her son’s life. Her son’s father physically abused her to the point that she has a permanent restraining order against him, and in her state lives in a “secret” place, with her ex not (supposedly) being able to find out her address. Some how, though, he seems to always be able to find out where she lives, though she has moved frequently and all her utilities, drivers license address, etc. is the “secret” address provided by the courts.
Unfortunately, even though it has been documented that her ex slammed her 6 yr old son into the wall, and has been inappropriate with the child in a sexual way, and the child is terrified of him, the courts make her share custody 50/50 with this monster…who by the way has plenty of money and keeps her in court making unjust assertions about how she is the bad parent. This man also grossly physically abused a former girlfriend as well, so this is no isolated instance in his behavior, there is a pattern of abuse in his life.
The psychologist that the father hired has rendered a report that says the mother is a “nut case” and should have no contact with the child. This particular psychologist seems to hate women, and there is a long pattern of him rendering such reports against many nurturing mothers. The judge also has a pattern against women in her court. The result of this is that currently, the man has accused her of all kinds of mistreatment, and the son has been given over to the father, with the mother having only a few hours of supervised visitation with the boy.
Though the child’s counselor, the school counselor, and the child’s teacher all stand up for the mother, the child lives in terror at his father’s.
Unfortunately, Jane’s case is not unique.
There are all shades of failure in our “family court” system, just as there are all shades of abuse against children. Sometimes one parent is aware of the abuse by the other parent and covers up for the abuser, and in other cases, the parent tries desperately to protect the child, just as Jane is attempting to do and the courts operate under the idea that “just because he abused his wife, doesn’t mean he abuses the children.” The truth is that if a person will abuse ANYONE they will abuse EVERYONE.
There are many articles on the net about such failure of both the court systems and failure of some parents who are aware of the abuse to live in denial and to allow the abuse to continue. Here is a selection of these articles.
And just as there is a special beauty and importance to relationships between mothers and their children, there is a special and extraordinary cruelty in the abusive man who attempts to break or weaken the mother-child bond, whether by turning children against their mother, by harming the children physically, sexually or psychologically, or by attempting to take custody of the children away from her.Ask nearly anyone: They’ll say they would speak up if they thought a child was being sexually used or abused. Many are certain they’d recognize exploitative or abusive behavior if it were happening. Almost no one believes they would allow harmful sexual behavior to continue if they knew for sure that it was going on.
And yet, the sad truth: Millions of children have unwanted or abusive sexual experiences. Many of them believe, correctly, that someone else knows or should know about their situation, but does little or nothing to protect them. Some tell adults what’s going on, seeking protection and help, only to be met with disbelief, denial, blame, or even punishment. How can that be?
It is up to us as nurturing parents to protect our children from abuse, and yet, the “family courts” of this country some how “don’t get it” about a child being kept away from an offending parent, but seem to think that a parent’s “rights” to their children should be protected. Where are the rights for a child to grow up in a safe, nurturing environment safe from exposure to people who are violent?