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Jodi Arias — 61 Comments

  1. Whether Jodi “qualifies” as a psychopath or not, she is violent and dangerous, but I do agree that she has many if not all of the traits of a psychopath and her pathological lying, and all the other traits she has displayed indicate to me that she is a DANGEROUS person. She has no remorse and of course blames everything on Travis. There is not a snow ball’s chance in Hades that she is going to change.

  2. I would occasionally watch Nancy Grace’s show, and saw video footage of when the police interviewed Jodi Arias. She displayed no real emotion when being questioned by the authorities, plus when she was left alone in the room, she did a headstand, up against a wall. This is strange behavior. The lies that she told, her behaviors (eg. slashing Travis’ tires, etc.) all indicate that Jodi is a dangerous, unstable spath.

  3. I agree with you, Bluejay, 100%. She accepts no responsibility for what she did, she tries to blame the victim.

    Blaming the victim is typical of any abuser. “Well if you’d had supper on the table when I got home, I wouldn’t have had to hit you.” I know that sounds outrageous but that is exactly the way abusers excuse their abusive behavior.

    Not all abusers hit their victims, many simply demean the victim emotionally. Unfortunately many victims try to appease the abuser, but that never works, they cannot be appeased, they will always find some “reason” to abuse physically or emotionally. And believe me, emotional abuse can be as bad or worse than physical abuse. It is rape of the soul.

    I have enabled my own abusers multiple times, because I arrogantly thought I could “fix” them. It didn’t work, it WON’T work, we can only change ourselves and get out of the relationship. If we stay in an abusive relationship it effects us but also our children or the rest of the family by keeping continual chaos and “drama” going on, there is never PEACE because the abuser will not allow there to be peace, they thrive on the chaos, control and power over someone else.

    Many times, too, like with Travis and Jodi if the victim tries to escape, that is the most dangerous time in leaving an abuser who feels that they “own” us. Travis did not know what he was dealing with, or that she would actually kill him.

    It pays a victim to be very careful when they try to leave an abuser who feels like they own them. At any sign of stalking, the victim needs to document this and to call the police and get an order of protection, and keep it renewed. Of course this is just a piece of paper, but with some abusers it will at least slow them down, but of course too, they will find another victim.

    Many times abusers will use the children shared with the victim as “baseball bats” to hit the former victim over the head emotionally. Look at the extent Josh Powell used, by killing his children and himself even though he had already murdered Susan. The ultimate “fark” you. Thankfully, most abusers are not like Josh Powell and his family.

    When we become involved with someone romantically we should always look at their family, because too many times if there is an abuser there, the person we have come to love may turn out just like “daddy” or “mommy”–not always, but many times this is true.

    You mentioned before that you had a bad feeling about your X’s father and your X turned out “just like his daddy” so your gut warned you but you were hooked by the “nice guy” mask your now X wore until after you had married him and had children. I think it is important to get to know their family. I did not know my husband’s family until our wedding. After my divorce I did an “autopsy” on the relationship and could clearly see that my Psychopathic x father in law was a control freak and emotional abuser of his wife and both of his kids. I was in a way fortunate that when my now x husband left me, and left me destitute in the bargain, at least he never again made trouble for me. I survived, though I was traumatized and hurt and never again had to deal with his family.

    I have great empathy and sympathy with people who share children with abusers and the abuser uses the kids to hurt the victim. Having to share custody, or have visitation with an abuser, let your children go visit them because the court demands that you do is terribly difficult and painful. Using Skylar;s “Gray Rock” of showing no emotion, in other words “don’t let them see you bleed,” takes some of the enjoyment out of the continued abuse via the kids. Unfortunately, it doesn’t protect the kids.

  4. Joyce,

    A therapist that I saw told me that he believes it’s a good idea to date someone for a year or so, and during this time, get to know his/her friends, family, etc. You’ll get a pretty good idea of how the person stacks up. However, I suppose, there could be times when you could still be duped. I agree with what you say. D.’s family had an abusive father and a mother who was incapable (for different reasons) of effectively mothering her children. She failed to protect them from their abusive father. I tend to think that she chose to stay with her abusive husband. Why, I don’t know.

  5. Bluejay, “why did she stay?” That’s the “64 thousand dollar question”

    The Stockholm syndrome where the abused become bonded to their captors. Patty Hearst is a good example of this, Jaycee Dugard and Elizabeth Smart are other examples.

    It gets to the point that when you are not being beaten or abused, you perceive that as “Kindness” I got to know several women who were from the DV shelter when I was giving pro bono medical care to these women and their kids, and it amazed me that these women would GO BACK time after time. Yet, I did the same thing with my SON Patrick, it took me so long to break the bond and “leave” him. Why did I stay? Why did I believe I could change him? Well, I was arrogant enough and ignorant enough to think I could “fix” anything or any one. I finally with God’s help realized I could not fix anyone but myself.

    I praise God every day for keeping me safe when I kept jumping back from the frying pan into the fire. When I realized I had to RUN for my life and hide, there was a lesson there for me. Now, I realize he may again find some exconvict friend to send to kill me, but I refuse to live in terror, but that doesn’t mean I don’t take precautions, because I do live cautiously. and I am PREPARED as much as anyone can be. The rest i leave to God.

  6. ps…about dating someone and getting to know their family. About 8 months after my husband died I started dating someone I had casually known for 10 years in my living history group. He was universally liked. I met his family, and fell head over heals for the “love bomb” he did on me.

    I did find out though that he had cheated on his wife with multiple women over the 32 years they were married and he STILL had long term “friends with benefits” with these women.

    What he wanted with me was “another respectable wife” that he could use as an excuse not to marry these women, like he had used his first wife. Thank goodness I found out in time to kick him to the curb. It broke my heart, but at the time I was very vulnerable having lost my husband and my father only months before I started dating this guy.

    I advised my patients who had lost a spouse via death or divorce to not date at all for 12 to 18 months, and maybe longer. When you are still grieving and processing the loss of one significant other is not the time to jump right in to another one. THEN date them at least a year and meet their friends and family.

  7. Bluejay & Joyce, there was a Sandra Bullock movie that touched on addiction that, I THINK, was titled “8 Weeks.” I could be wrong. I’m often wrong! LOL

    At any rate, there was a scene in the movie where this gay fellow was talking in group therapy about his addiction to sex and relationships – he WANTED a long-termed relationship, he believed, but all of his relationships were “bad.” The therapist suggested that he buy a plant. Nurture that plant, care for it, water it, and help it to thrive. If, after one year, the plant was still alive and thriving, THEN he should purchase a dog. Care for the plant AND the dog – feed them, water them, walk the dog, LOVE the dog, and keep both the plant AND the dog healthy and thriving. If, after a year of owning the dog and two years of owning the plant, both plant and pet were still alive and thriving, THEN it was time to being THINKING about dating, again.

    For me, personally, I began my recovery with a strict NEVER-date-again-rule. I had made very bad choices in spouses AND “friends,” and I did not trust my own judgment and self-worth to make good decisions even about the most mundane and daily tasks.

    As I have moved forward in my recovery, I’m beginning to feel that the “NEVER” word was premature. I’m not typing that I’m ready to start dating, again, by any stretch of the imagination, but that I believe that a time may come when I can entertain a companionship with someone of the opposite sex. I have a multitude of obstacles to overcome before that is even an option, but it has now become an “option” instead of a strict boundary.

    Having typed that, my self-esteem and self-worth are still in the pits because I honestly don’t believe that I have anything to “offer” even a casual companionship. I am broke. I’m obese. I’m unattractive. I’m asexual. I have deep and dark damages that I’m beginning to excavate, and I don’t like the stink rising up from the rotting issues, at all. BUT – all of this negative self-perception is going to erode, in due time.

    But, a committed relationship is something that I don’t believe that I would ever entertain – I’m becoming pleasantly accustomed to my independence and self-reliance and I will ask for NO QUARTER from any man, woman, or child when it come to my own well-being. 🙂 I am not willing to compromise MY well-being for anyone else. Today, a “perfect” companion would be someone that would indulge MY wants and needs, and I don’t want THAT type of association, either! LOLOL

  8. Truthy, I can certainly relate to the “never date again” and Ii can relate too the obese and I’m older than dirt as well. LOL I have been on only a few dates with guys since I kicked the serial cheater to the curb but I’m so “picky:” that I am not willing to “settle” for the guys who would find me attractive. Realistically at my age there are 100 single women from 45 to 65 for every 10 single guys and those guys even the ones my age are more likely to look for a woman 45 than 65, so the truth is that the majority of the guys my age that are single are not ones I would want on a platter, baked with an apple in their mouths, or they are unhealthy and I’m not looking for a patient to care for, so chances are I am not going to find prince charming either. At first when I realized this I went into a deep depression over those facts because I did have such a wonderful relationship with my husband, we were BEST FRIENDS.

    I wanted that kind of relationship in the worst way and thinking I might never have it scared me. That was why I fell for the serial cheater guy, at least for a while, but now I am CONTENT with just myself. and that’s OK. It’s amazing how much I enjoy just my OWN company and no longer feel the need for a romantic relationship in order to be happy.

    I think too many people, both gay and straight, go from relationship to relationship from bad to worse and back again,, because they have never been comfortable alone, or learned how to nurture anything. Ii think that therapist was pretty right on..

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