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Liar, Liar — 9 Comments

  1. Joyce, I’m SO distrustful of everyone, anymore – WAY on the opposite end of the spectrum than where I once was, and I have to work my way back into the center.

    Spaths and ppaths have an “intent” when they lie. Even if it’s in their own best interest, they will not (cannot?) tell the plain, and simple truth. Having typed that, some people who are not spath have chosen to lie under extraordinary circumstances to get help for themselves or a family member.

    In situations of domestic abuse and domestic violence, lying becomes a “natural” course of events for all parties involved, though the average victim literally KNOWS that they are lying to cover up abuses and misdeeds. The abuser “knows” that they are lying, but they believe that they are ENTITLED to lie, cheat, steal, harm, and destroy. They do not have a conscience, empathy, or sense of remorse that their victims typically do.

    When Mike was trying to re-enlist in the military because he didn’t know what else to do, he fabricated and forged military documents that the recruiters were able to refute. They finally told him that the paperwork that he presented DID NOT correlate with what was on record, and he was FURIOUS. Not because he got caught in a series of “Stolen Valor” lies, but because he was DENIED what he WANTED. There was not a shred of remorse demonstrated.

    When I discovered the exspath’s double-life and evidence that he’d been having deviant sexual contact with other people, I pointed at the box of condoms and calmly said, “If you’ve been having an affair, you need to tell me if this marriage is going to be salvageable. I’ll be angry, but the slate has to be clean.” Well, his explanation was that the condoms that were “ribbed for HER pleasure” and coated in spermacidal jelly were for HIS use, since they were “rubber” and he was deeply (and, irrevocably) interested in violent bondage and veiled necrophilia. He had been given the GREEN LIGHT to speak the truth, and he still made up cockamamie explanations that didn’t even make sense – what a dope, right? LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    In both of the examples, above, the INTENT was to get whatever they wanted. Either back into the military for a steady paycheck and lodging at Walter Reed Army Psych Unit, or TIME to concoct a scheme to end a loveless marriage that was based strictly upon money. Intent. That’s the bottom line, for me.

    Excellent topic for discussion, Joyce.

  2. Spathx…..I BELIEVE….lied without lying. Even though i caught him in a couple real lies, which he dodged evasively, I am 100% sure that there was SO much about him and his activities that I had no earthly clue about. He was SO dodgy it was very difficult to say ah HA!!! You are LYING!! it messed with my head so badly and still does.
    He always insisted he was not a liar. Probably another lie!

  3. At the very end of the long con, exspath decided to lie blatantly and insist that I agree with his lies. He was looking at a yellow menu and told me the color was red. I disagreed at first, so when the waitress approached he tried the same thing on her. The waitress and I just looked at each other and told him that it was yellow, but he insisted it was red.

    Finally, utterly perplexed as to WHY we were having the idiotic conversation in the first place both the waitress and I tried to appease the spath by agreeing that “perhaps in certain lights” a person might see a red tint in the yellow.

    The spath was so pleased. I think he just needed to prove to himself that nice people will agree to his lies, because they are weak. Which makes him “strong” in comparison.

    I can’t imagine being so insecure.

  4. One of the things I see as a huge red flag now is when someone insists on MY honesty with THEM. In their ‘language’ it means they are about to lie to me from this day forward. Not a truthful word will come from their mouth after that. The more they push for truth, the more they will lie.

    The spath will lie to his enabler parents. Why should anyone else be or expect any different? He tried picking a fight with me one night as I had a few glasses of wine while cooking dinner. I can only guess that he was hoping I would be too lit to think straight and he may actually win one? Was he hoping I may say something I didn’t intend to let slip because my guard may be down?

    His lies were so bad, so poorly executed and soooo s-patheticly lame that I stood there ignoring his rants, while ticking off in my mind, each. and. every. single. last. one.

    I couldn’t bring myself to tell him how bad he was at lying because he will only work on his ‘skillz’ and try to improve. Afterwards though I had a good laugh at the whole thing because of how easy it was to see right thru it all. At least he is entertaining in that respect. I will give him that.

    Excellent post and topic Joyce

      • That was Spathological. I read that and was cracking up. I have also used the word psychopathetic when it applies too. Ths could be a game almost- how many words can we create using the word ‘spath’, that actually apply in some way?

  5. Pixie, you are right there, if someone INSISTS that you be “honest” with them, I think it very well may indicate Sky’s 180-rule, they are doing a “tell” that they are lying to YOU.

    Years after I turned Patrick in when he was 17 for robbing our friend’s business…he kept saying “You should not have done that!” I said “patrick I was trying to stop you from stealing and getting an ADULT felony. I knew the juvy record would be sealed. I wanted to scare you straight and stop you from ending up where you are today…in prison!” Then I asked him “what SHOULD I have done?” He said “I don’t know but you should NOT have turned me in!”

    Now keep in mind that he stole MY CAR to haul the loot, he lied and betrayed me, but I was being “abusive” to him by calling the cops for the theft. WTF? Loyalty? But only one way, me to him, but not him to me.?? Nah, I no longer go for that. I did the right thing and I have never regretted doing that, and he knew I would do it again, which is why at age 20 with 2 years of big boy prison under his belt he didn’t come home, as he told me “I knew if I got into trouble you’d call the cops” I told him “Yep, nothing has changed there.”

    Of course he had no intention of going straight. His cousin that took him in didn’t particularly like me anyway, so she bought his “mom is abusive” story and took him in because all he needed was love and trust. LOL So five months later a SWAT team descends on her house to get the murder weapon. She still doesn’t like me any better.

    I tried to get her to write a parole protest letter and she gave me the cyber finger. But you know, when he gets out he will go for her too. I can bet the farm on that.

  6. OneBadPixie, spot-ON!!! The first abusive exspath used to drone on, incessently, about how he “hates a liar,” and he was the FIRST person to lie, even when the truth would have been to HIS benefit! In court, during one particularly grueling hearing, my attorney asked him, “You don’t particularly get along with Miss Soandso, do you?” He shot back in a very defensive tone, “She’s okay – we get along just fine!” Well, Miss Soandso was a Social Services representative that had pegged Victor for what he was, and they locked horns at every visit – he refused to allow her into his house because it was an absolute wreck.

    Miss Soandso was ejected from the courtroom when Victor made his response – she was outraged at his blatant lie and made an outburst at the back of the courtroom and the judge sent her out. But, the point had been made: Victor was a liar. Unfortunately, lying didn’t factor into custody/visitation hearings. Clearing the docket was the most important goal, there. LMAO!!!

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