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Lies of the son — 9 Comments

  1. Oh, Joyce, the language and words are SO manipulative, aren’t they? Words. They carry such tremendous power and I know that the exspath used words as his favorite weapon of choice. Mike used words, as well, and STILL uses them with his brother, Bob.

    Yes, on the surface, Patrick’s words appeared so sincere and contrite, but you are 100% spot-on that they always came within a hair’s breadth to honesty. Yes, yes, yes….I’m “getting it,” these days with regard to manipulation and words.

    (((((((HUGS))))))) This must have been very painful for you to relive it all with the London production team.

  2. Actually, Truthy, I think I’ve turned a corner with “reliving it” like with the film crew…you know it is almost like I’m talking about someone else’s son, not my own. The EMOTIONS and the PAIN are not there any more if that makes any sense, or like I am describing something that’s not “real” in a way.

    I can look at the letter dispassionately and see the manipulation and the LIES and the DAMM lies. Patrick has always denied, denied DENIED until that fatal time he was so frustrated with me that he momentarily dropped the MASK and let me see the REAL him and that he was actually PROUD of how violent and awful his crime was, that he really believed she deserved to die.

    If we have another parole hearing I intend to use this letter from him as a basis of my protest of his parole.

    He hasn’t changed in the least, he is still the same and will always be the same, using words as weapons to allow others to get close enough to him that he can use or hurt them.

  3. It would be easy to see how someone who has no idea about spaths or typical spath behavior, could be drawn in by a letter like this and buy it, hook, line and sinker.

    He sounds so sincere. He sounds like he is trying to do better, get his life in order and BE a better person…. But actions speak louder than words. Far louder if they don’t yell or scream at times.

    What has he done to fix things, right any wrongs or actually change? Sounds like he got into more trouble, which doesn’t change a thing, except for what he’s in for and how long he’s expected to be there.

    I completely understand what you’re saying about it almost feeling like you’re talking about someone else’s son. As a mother, none of us want to believe it was our child who could ever do such a thing. A a wife, we don’t want to feel like we’ve been duped. We picked what we thought was a “Good One” and he would Never do something like that. As a sibling, as their child, as their friend… The list goes on. Sooner it later we tune it out or maybe we just get a sense of numbness to it all. It’s how we cope and its how we manage without letting them hurt us anymore. (((Hugs Joyce)))

  4. Thanks for the Hugs Phoenix, it’s been a long road to come to some kind of peace about all this…and for the moment, that’s where I am, at peace with it all, not letting the ghosts of the past haunt my todays. It’s no longer the center of my life, my thinking, etc.

    I can only hope that I can be able to help some other mother, wife, husband, father, brother or friend heal from the betrayal by their own offender in the family. Like my son, many offenders are quite prepared to tell lies…i.e. “Oh, I’m innocent, I didn’t do it” and “I’m trying to succeed”—yea, succeed at theft. We were nothing more than pawns.

  5. It takes time to heal, but sometimes even time can’t heal everything. My road to dealing with things and coming to terms- may not have been as long, not nearly as bumpy and certainly not the same
    “5 miles, in the snow, uphill both ways…”
    as yours or anyone else’s, but it has taken me some time to reach where I am as well. I’m numb to what may lie ahead, whatever else may be found. It’s already pretty bad, most likely to get worse, but won’t be surprising actually as to how bad?

    We all play the hand we are dealt and do with it the best we can. Or we give in, give up and fold to the pressures of the spaths in our lives.

    In my case? It is debatable at best, what road the enablers will take… It will be interesting to say the least, to see which way that goes.

    • Joyce,

      Well, I hope the documentary turns out to be a good one, informative, educating the public about psychopaths. Yes, psychopaths are not remorseful for the wrongs that they’ve committed. LIke my friend told me – D. just shrugs his misdeeds off (they literally are no big deal to him), like the time he conned a former customer into loaning him her truck – that became his getaway vehicle – on the run (from the law) for months. To this day, I still cannot comprehend how someone can intentionally harm another person, and it’s no big deal, not caring about how the victim(s) has been affected, impacted. Psychopaths are schemers (at least D. is), shallow, etc. Through hard knocks, my kids and I have learned plenty about psychopaths. If I could live my life over again, I wouldn’t want to know about this subset of people.

    • Joyce,

      Well, I hope the documentary turns out to be a good one, informative, educating the public about psychopaths. Yes, psychopaths are not remorseful for the wrongs that they’ve committed. LIke my friend told me – D. just shrugs his misdeeds off (they literally are no big deal to him), like the time he conned a former customer into loaning him her truck – that became his getaway vehicle – on the run (from the law) for months. To this day, I still cannot comprehend how someone can intentionally harm another person, and it’s no big deal, not caring about how the victim(s) has been affected, impacted. Psychopaths are schemers (at least D. is), shallow, etc. Through hard knocks, my kids and I have learned plenty about psychopaths. If I could live my life over again, I wouldn’t want to know about this subset of people.

  6. Well, Blue, yea it would be nice if we never came into contact with people like this, but 1-4% of everyone you meet is a full fledged psychopath, and if you take into consideration the people who are “almost a psychopath” at least they are very toxic even if they don’t “qualify” with a 30 on the PCL-R….it is GOOD TO KNOW ABOUT THEM. Just as an antelope in the plains needs to KNOW ABOUT predators to keep safe, so do we need to know how to spot a predator. We don’t generally have bears or lions chasing us now, but we do have predators in the form of disordered people, people who will rob you, hurt you, lie to you, con you…and it is nice and much safer to be able to identify them BEFORE they hurt you than after.

    I think it is very important that your children learn these lessons EARLY in life and maybe they will not marry one like you did…they will see that when people show ANY sign of dishonesty or irresponsibility that they need to stay away from these people.

    At least your children have a loving and nurturing parent (some kids have none!) to help them with learning these life lessons, developing a conscience and a moral compass.

  7. I just found this article about prisoners having cell phones in prison. Senator John Whitmere mentioned here wrote a letter for me to protest Patrick’s parole….I had contacted his office when the information first came out about the prison death row threats to him and he had closed down and searched the prison for cell phones. He’s the head of the committee for prisons in Texas. I told him about Patrick having a cell phone and so he was glad to write the letter.

    In any case, Patrick’s cell phone was discovered, he was kicked out of craft shop and when I went to texas to get his craft shop tools (he was a bootmaker) as I packed it away into storage, I found TWO MORE cell phones hidden among the tools. LOL

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/17/smuggled-cellphones-prisons_n_4802655.html

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