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LIFE HAPPENS — 3 Comments

  1. For dealing with people who are toxic, whether or not they are psychopaths or just users or mooches, I suggest reading GAMES PEOPLE PLAY by Dr. Eric Berne, this is a simple way to look at the interactions of how people deal with you, their ego states and how to avoid playing their “game” which leaves you in the ditch.

    It is written in simple language that anyone can understand and is even funny. Dr. Berne had a great sense of humor, for further reading his book WHAT DO YOU SAY AFTER YOU SAY HELLO is the next step.

    In order to deal with the toxic people in our lives we must first EDUCATE OURSELVES TO BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE THEM. And to recognize what we do to stay in their games, rather than opting out.

    It is a life long process of learning and we can start to heal ourselves and the wounds that have been inflicted on us in the past.

    I admit that for decades I fell into the trap of ENABLING others to continue to do their worst by allowing them another chance after ANOTHER CHANCE and just keep up the malignant hope (a cancer of my soul) that they would see how much I loved them and quit hurting me.

    I will not become cynical and stop caring about people and helping them if I can, but I will no longer allow myself to be manipulated into enabling them.

    Learn all you can to protect yourself. God bless.

  2. I had missed this post until just now Joyce.
    Even educating ourselves to recognize them is not enough. I’m pretty well educated on the subject and can spot them a mile away, but when they’re in our own family, it becomes a blur of disordered traits and it couldn’t POSSIBLY be psychopathy. right? wrong. I’m starting to understand that my sister is indeed a psychopath. She’s just kind of a dumb one, so you tend to overlook so many of her WTF? statements.

    Regardless of who the psychopath is, our spouse, our parent or our sibling, the reason we can’t see them for what they are is because we don’t want to. We CARE. As the Green River Murderer said, when he was asked what made him different from other people, “It’s that caring thing.”

    You call it malignant hope and you’ve counseled me many times on the subject. But still, I F*!KING CARE. I now know that it is impossible to care and to see clearly at the same time. That is why the psychopaths train themselves not to care at all. Caring colors our perspective. Worse yet, we care because we like caring, not because the people that we care about are deserving of it.

    Obviously it’s going to be difficult to not care about my family members but I have to remember that just because you care for a snake doesn’t mean it won’t bite you. Care from a far and stock some anti-venom, just in case you slip up.

    Great article, Joyce, you said the words I needed to hear right now. Thank you.

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