Sometimes I feel like life itself is “out to get me.” Things seem to come out of no where and smack me up beside my head. People that I loved and trusted, people I had been good to, betrayed me. Broke my heart.
I sometimes joke that my family won the “Jerry Springer family of the DECADE” award. Once when I went to a new therapist when my son and I were living in hiding from the ex-convict my son Patrick had sent to invade our family and do me harm, he listened to me cry for two hours unfolding my tale of woe, “My entire family is out to get me.” He was very patient and nice, but then he asked me “Is there someone you can bring to confirm your story?”
I stopped crying and started laughing. I replied “You think I am a paranoid nut job, don’t you?” The next week I took him a tall stack of documents and my other son to confirm why we were living in hiding.
When I went to hire an attorney to protest Patrick’s parole he was speaking to me on the phone and I could tell he didn’t believe a word I said. I sent him a footlocker full of documents and he called me back a couple of weeks later and said in a voice that was in awe “Your son is a baaaaaad man.” I laughed and said you did not believe me did you?” and he said he had not.
Bad things do happen to good people, and good people sometimes make very bad decisions. Sometimes people we love have chosen to hurt others and to hurt us. Not all psychopaths are killers, some of them are politicians, businessmen, ministers, your neighbor, your husband, your wife, your mother, your father, in short, a person who hurts others without feeling any remorse (though they can fake it sometimes) will bring pain, suffering and unhappiness to those who associate with them.
Sometimes even when we quit associating with them, they stalk us. Abusive people become more likely to kill or hurt a spouse who is leaving them. They don’t want to lose control over that person. They feel entitled to control that person. They cannot stand rejection.
In today’s climate and the “me too” people coming forward saying that someone sexually harassed them or raped them is a step forward. Too many times people in a position of power feel entitled to harass or grope or even rape people under them. Notice that I am speaking gender neutral here as it is not only men who do these things. Psychopathy knows no gender.
For decades my family hid the family shame of my “uncle monster” who beat and abused his wife and kids, even I didn’t know about this until I was well into my 30s. The family line back several generations had the women protecting the family “bad boy” no matter what he did. As long as the matriarch of the family got the next generation’s matriarch to take over when she died, all went well and the bad boys were protected, but if you broke this cycle as I did, all hail broke loose.
Family dynamics, family roles, are assigned in order to keep the status quo. “This is how our family does things.” When I chose to stop enabling my son Patrick, when I chose instead to cut him off, NO CONTACT, it skewed the family dynamics because I refused my assigned role. I had filled it for a while, but when I finally realized just how dysfunctional it was and rebelled against the status quo, the family was fractured. I was on one side, my two sons were on the other, my mother and the ex-convict pedophile my son Patrick had sent to kill me were on the other.
Fortunately, my youngest son stood by me. But sometimes when people opt out of the dark triad of “rescuer-persecutor-victim” they feel alone, totally alone. There are people who will help you though, you are not alone. Make your get-a-way, find the help you need. Start learning about abusers, and that they never change, because they see no need for change. Abusers want control. Do not give away your control. You can never make them happy even by letting them eat your soul. God bless you.