October is “National Domestic Violence Awareness” month here in the US. One of the best blogs I have seen on this subject is “Time’s up” and here is a link to an article recently published on that blog that addresses both emotional and physical violence and abuse as well as personality disorders contributing to abuse (such as psychopaths, border-line personality disorders etc) and how males are also abused as well as women. DV is gender neutral and men are also abused in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships.
This is quite a long article but well worth time time to read it. I’m sure there’s no one here who approves of “domestic” or any other kind of violence, but there is some great information here, even for those of us who know first hand how damaging DV can be.
But don’t just stop at reading this one article on timesupblog.blogspot.com, there are other great articles there and information on that blog. Rev. Charles Moncrief is a personal friend of mine and he writes for this blog and gave me the URL back when I was living in hiding from the man I believe Patrick sen to kill me and “melting down. Charles’ support and this blog helped to lift me out of the abyss when I was at the lowest level and living literally in fear for my life.
In addition to the great article there is a bibliography at the end of the article and I endorse most of these books. There are a few I haven’t read, though.
If you are are being abused. Physically, financially or emotionally by ANY ONE…get out and stay safe. There’s no reason to allow someone to repeatedly abuse you…they are not going to change on a permanent basis and no one deserves to be abused. If you know someone who is being abused, be supportive.
It is difficult to disengage from abusive relationships because the victim keeps trying to fix it, and keeps hoping that it will change. So be gentle with your friend who is abused. Be there for them when they finally do decide to get out. Staying in an abusive relationship “for the sake of the children” as my paternal grandfather did with my abusive borderline personality disordered grandmother does not do the children any benefit, but quite the contrary. Dysfunctional families produce dysfunctional children who become dysfunctional adults, perpetuating the cycle as either abusers or victims themselves.
DV has been recently brought to the front page news because some sports stars have been caught abusing their significant other, who now has married them after the fact and she “blames” the media for their embarrassment. Unfortunately, many times trauma bonds us to the one who did the abuse and it takes many people multiple attempts to finally and completely sever the relationship.
Many voices will be heard and if we confront abuse where we see it, and stop engaging with abusive people, our lives and the lives of everyone will be better.