web analytics
HomeSexual offendersPedophiles & the sex offender registry    Log in


Pedophiles & the sex offender registry — 48 Comments

  1. Joyce, thank you for posting this article. As harrowing and terrible as the subject matter is, it’s a topic that needs discussion.

    There are individuals who are convicted as sexual offenders that really don’t “fit” the bill, but the majority of those offenders are dangerous and proven predators. If the registry had ANY impact outside of re-arrest for another offense, I would be supportive of this whole idea.

    I personally cannot see any positive aspect of this registry other than something to reference when the ex-convict has been arrested, again, so that a prosecutor can say, “Okie dokie. He/she is a registered sex offender and violated the terms of his/her parole. This time, it’s a capital offense, right? Let’s go for broke on the death penalty.” It’s all a waste of resources and really doesn’t accomplish one thing that I am aware of. It doesn’t even “warn” the community when a registered sex offender moves into a neighborhood, although it’s supposed to.

    The child sex predator is never going to change – they aren’t going to magically “see the light” and end their heinous abuses of innocent and vulnerable children. So, why are they even released in the first place to RE-offend?! Yeah, yeah, we can talk about budget impacts, etc., but they simply need to be put somewhere where they cannot have even a remote chance of gaining access to child porn, or children. That’s it. Put a huge facility somewhere in White Sands, New Mexico, give these people appropriate seeds and livestock, and “security” in the form of a high and tight fence of razor wire that runs underground for 40 feet, all around, and let them sort it out amongst themselves. There is no rehabilitation of child molesters, and we (as a culture and society) still “DO NOT GET IT.”

    I cannot imagine being the parent of a child molester. I would not be able to remember anything “good” about the offender – only the piteous cries of a child victim falling upon deaf and vile ears. Put them ALL away, for life, for good, no options for release.

    Crimes against children cause a particularly visceral reaction for me, and I have very strong feelings and opinions on this particular issue.

  2. Truthy, I am actually VERY MUCH FOR REGISTRY, it saved my very life, by letting me know what and who I was dealing with. Without that knowledge I would have been totally in the dark until he killed me. As it was, I escaped and Michael and I ran for our lives. I imagine it is also very helpful to people in cities especially as they can see where pedophiles live near them.

    I agree that there is no rehabilitation for pedophiles and some other sex offenders. I don’t think that the guy who ends up in bed with a 17 year old for consensual sex when she looks 25 is all that big a “sin” or should ruin his life (or her life) except for teachers and bosses and others who have supervision over these people then they should have the book thrown at them. Those 4 prison guards I think it was Baltimore who got preg by the same convict inmate, they should have been PROSECUTED in my opinion.
    Oh, well it may not be better when I run the world, but it will sure be different. LOL

    • Joyce, I’m in favor of such a registry – in theory, it’s a GREAT idea if there were no need for a final assessment upon “release” from prison. Even the “experts” grudgingly acknowledge that pedophiles and serial rapists cannot be “cured.” The very NOTION that someone could enter as a sexual predator and exit as having been somewhat rehabilitated is absurd – utterly absurd. Because of this idiotic reassessment process, time is lost and people aren’t duly notified upon these people’s releases. That’s probably the issue that I have with the registry.

      I agree with the guy/gal that ends up with the minor of 17 who appears to be older, etc. I’ve heard SO many people blame the chronological adult for having NOT been responsible enough to make certain that their partner was of age – on one hand, I agree, and the other end of that spectrum is that human beings are HUMAN BEINGS and make mistakes in judgment.

      I also agree about the 4 prison guards being prosecuted. WTF were they THINKING? All of them? REALLY????? Sheeeeeeeeeesh………

      Holy cow, Joyce, if I ran the world……….I don’t even want to go there! LMAO!!!

  3. Yea, Truthy, you can be my “vice dictator” when we rule the world together it may not be better, but it would sure be DIFFERENT! LOL That’s a joke in our family…LOL

    The problem is, like most “world dictators” I not only don’t know all the answers, I don’t know all the QUESTIONS.

    There have always been people who did horrible things from the time Cain killed Abel. I guess there will be those people when this piece of rock blows up into a million pieces if there are still two people here on its surface. Human nature doesn’t change much I don’t think, and the fact that there are so many psychopaths shows me that in some way the genes are beneficial to leaving offspring.

  4. One offense against the victim of sex abuse is shame. Sex-offenders use sex to shame and control their victims. Is it coincidental that society has chosen a public registry for sex offenders to “control” the sex offenders? The public registry is a form of shaming too. Is it “an eye for an eye”?

    Consider that we don’t have a registry for murderers and thieves. Just some food for thought.

    Personally, unless/until we can find a better solution or cure, I think that the registry is absolutely necessary. Many sex offenders are compelled to abuse and we need to have a way to protect society from becoming prey.

    Joyce, I’m so grateful that your life was saved because of the registry. That’s proof that it DOES work.

    • Sky, you’re right – the registry DID save Joyce’s life and I’m grateful for that, too. The point that you made that there isn’t a registry for murderers or thieves is spot-on and DOES speak of the perpetration of shame.

  5. Thaks, Sky I’m glad it saved my life too…actually though there i s no “registry” on other crimes the Internet now makes it much easier to do a back ground check on someone and find information about their crimes than pre internet days. It also makes the sex offender registry handy to any parent…and frankly I think it is a good thing that we can find out a person’s criminal past, sex offender or not.

    While I realize it is difficult for an ex con to gt a job, especially a sex offender, I think the public has a right to know a person’s criminal back ground. I’ve known quite a few people who spent time in jail or prison, got out and went straight, I’ve also known murderers and robbers who never got caught or prosecuted.

  6. According to Anna Salter’s books, the average “first offender” in pedophilia has ALREADY done 150 to 300 CRIMEs before he becomes a “first offender”—look at Sandusky when he was “caught” the first time in the shower with that boy…the law was not brought in because his “friends” made him promise not to do it again and hushed it up. So he went on to abuse more and more boys over the years.

    Charles, “Jackie” Walls III was caught or suspected and tossed out of the Boy Scouts of America but he went to a national jamboree under a fake name and continued to target young boys, ultimately when one of them told his parents, Jackie got the boy to kill the parents, which when the boy was caught led to Jackie’s arrest and conviction.

    They do not quit, even when suspected or proven and whatever organization covers it up.

    Criminal records are fairly easily available now,though you may have to pay for it, but there just “ain’t no secrets” now on the Internet so folks can’t cover it up like they used to by moving to another town where no one knew their crimes or criminal back ground, IF people will check up on new acquaintences before they let them get too close.

  7. While I fully support the SOR, I have a few issues with it that leave plenty of questions that beg to be asked.

    -I did not see anywhere on the listing for Hamilton where he was a level 2, level 4 or whateverthefluck level they wish to assign him.
    -I also did not see anything that explains what each level is.
    – Classification levels have no consistency- For sex offenders they seem to go up in regards to severity, (4 being pretty bad) while they go down in level of severity with felonys (class 5 being fairly mild).

    Clarity is lacking and often inconsistent with the legal system. As a parent- I would want to know these things to protect my children. It should be listed on the website and not something I have to search the internet for. That would do everyone a HUGE favor.

    I can see how the registry is a good thing, but also how it would or could make life for the offenders family difficult. Not everyone can look at it with an objective view and say the offender is the problem, not the parents, sister, brother, cousin, relatives…

    In my own family, there have been disagreements that resulted in family members taking sides. Those who have taken one side (offender) and those who have taken the other side (victim) each feel they are justified on some level and right in their opinions. Those on the victim side, hold those on the offender side almost as accountable for the deeds as if supporting them says “It’s ok to do this to a family member, let alone anyone else… so go ahead and do it again.”

    • Phoenix, I agree with our post above…the offenders do split the family in two…and cause disruption and dysfunction on a par with chaos. Patrick has done that in my family, and before his arrest for trying to break into my son Andrew’s house with a gun, supposedly to kill him, both my son Andrew and my mother supported Patrick and his “buddy” Hamilton…even after Andrew knew that Hamilton was a former convict and was on the sex offender registry in Texas….of course after Hamilton tried to break into his house but God kept Andrew safe and the cops caught both Hamilton and Andrew’s wife, Laurel who had been having an affair with Hamilton and sent them to jail, THEN Andrew saw that as he said “Mom you’re a prophet” of course I was NOT a prophet, I just saw that these people were not what they pretended to be and Andrew is not very adept at reading people’s true intentions.

      For a while even my mother believed me, but she has since fallen back into “protecting” Patrick from the consequences of his crimes, and believes he has “found Jezus” which though she had seen plenty of proof in the forms of letters he had written Hamilton which were found in her house, she gave in and caved within a year. So now she alone of all my family supports Patrick and the rest of us are NC with her as well as Patrick.

  8. Welcome Phoenix, in Texas he was a level 4, high risk for reoffense, in Arkansas (go to the link and you can see his level there) Arkansas listed him as a level 2, where he doesn’t have to be “mapped” but will only show up if you google his name. Their excuse for this was “well, he didn’t do these crimes in THIS state.”

    Phoenix, believe me I can relate to that….our family motto was “you must forgive” and “forgive” was defined as “pretend it didn’t happen and pretend they won’t do it again.” This never did sit right with me and I eventually came to believe that forgiveness is NOT pretending it didn’t happen, but getting the bitterness out of my heart, but not having a relationship with that person, or trusting them again.

    Arkansas’ “assessment” problem is 5,000+ inmates behind and they get another 5K new offenders each year so they never make any headway…he had been h ere 10 months and still not assessed, therefore he couldn’t be pulled in or charged with failure to register his address or status. That just blew me away. I spoke to the sheriff about it and his hands were tied. Hamilton has a rap sheet literally 6 ft. long of violent and drug crimes in addiction to the sex offenses. The current listing does not list the ages or numbers of his victims though the one on Texas that I discovered did list those things. He also defrauded several elderly people that he became the “caregivers” for, just as he did with my mother.

    How his registry was handled I still don’t “know” how or “believe” how bad my state is. Also his PO didn’t even know he was an SO, and the parole board was going to release him into a half way house which is illegal according to Act 679 of the arkansas legislature, until I raised holy cane, the VINE advocate told me the name of the act and that it was illegal. I threatened the parole board with getting the media out and screaming on the governor’s steps, they took back the parole approval for another 4 or 5 months.

    When he got out, even though there was a no contact order he called my mother to try to BORROW MONEY! LOL I called his PO about that too, and he just told me “if he does it again, let me know.” Arkansas is not bad about busting someone for a “technical” parole violation, only if they do another felony. But here recently they let a guy out on parole who had another charge against him and 3 days later he killed a kid. The governor has ordered an investigation from his office and the state police are investigating.

    The sex offender registry I firmly believe saved my life, and Yes, I agree it makes it hard on families and hard for offenders to find housing and a job, but you know, if you don’t want the consequences, then don’t do the crime. I happen to have a particular hate of sex offenders and pedophiles especially. According to all research those who are pedophiles or violent rapists do it again and again. If I sound hard nosed about them, you are reading me right, I am.

    Anyway, enough of that rant, I welcome you to FA and don’t worry about disagreeing with me or anyone else here, as long as there are no flames or name calling. We all have our opinions and all are welcomed here.

    • I seem to have trouble logging in, try once, go to reply and it tells me i have to log in again. Close the screen, open it up again, log in and hope for the best. Sheesh. Not sure if it is my computer (Probably) or what??? Who knows. Anywho it gets FA more ‘hits’ for the day lol

      Thank you for welcoming me here. I found my way over from that *cough* other website *cough* that won’t be named… (LF)

      I don’t disagree at all on SO’s. Maybe if there were a national registry, where you could look things up by state, narrow it down by zip code and it listed ALL offenses for ANY & ALL states they offended in, that would be a big help. Maybe send out email alerts for newly registered in your area?

      Surely someone could set this up, sadly they Should have set this up when the ball started rolling to begin with. Now it would be a case of the tail wagging the proverbial dog, but still useful any way you slice it. If it were made easy to understand, clearly stating things for the comon idiot, it would be a highly useful and effective tool at protecting our children.

      I will go back for another look at Hamiltons page, but I didn’t see where there were any sort of listings for the level of his crimes. I also went to the home page, searched my own state and while it stated the offenders crimes, it was more often than not, pretty vague in the description of the crime committed.

      It might be tough for them to get a job, or carry on life as usual, but to me? SO WHAT! Does anyone think the life of their victim is going to be ‘life as usual’ after what they have done to them? For the SO’s that victimized children, and sadly, yes that is plural as they rarely get caught the first time out, I don’t think they should be walking the streets. Period. They do not change. If they did, it wouldn’t take so many offenses before they finally got caught the first time.

      It sucks that you have to be on the lookout on this person and give those who should know the ‘heads up’ on his offenses… What an epic FAIL on their part.

    • Pheonix,
      I figured out, I think, how to get around that login problem.

      After you log in and come back to reply, sometimes it tells you that you have to log in again. Instead of logging in, just refresh your browser. It will then show that you’re already logged in and you can comment.

      I wish there was a simple solution to this problem of sex offenders. Ankle bracelets are another option that seems to work. Although I have to say that if this option was implemented more often, we would soon find psychopaths cutting off their own legs and replacing them with realistic looking, prosthetic legs, just so they could continue to molest, rape and murder without getting caught.

      They are audacious and they don’t care about ANYTHING except cheating and getting away with it.

  9. Phoenix, welcome to FamilyArrested, and I can understand the confusion of the sex offender registry. The “General Public” has no foreknowledge of assessments, etc. The only “knowledge” that the GP has is that the registry exists.

    “Taking sides” is a human response and RARELY based upon facts. Emotions (feelings) play a huge role in people’s decisions and choices, especially if there is a dynamic of dysfunction.

    Joyce began this blog site because of the fact that family members OF the offenders carry the burden, blame, and shame of their loved ones, regardless of which “side” they are on. She felt (and, rightly so) that family members of offenders NEED support and encouragement to protect themselves and manage the relationship with the offenders.

    When someone is the victim of a crime, their family and friends gather around them to offer support, encouragement, and compassion. There are resources in place to assist those victims in recovering.

    When someone is the PERPETRATOR of a crime, the family members do not experience any such outpouring of support, encouragement, or compassion. They are vilified by the community, ignored, and blamed for the actions of their offending family members. This is a fact and can only be addressed (IMHO) by getting involved in some intensive counseling therapy to learn techniques and methods to manage this type of community response to criminals.

    Again, welcome to FamilyArrested, and I look forward to reading your responses and insights.

    • Thank you for welcoming me here. I completely understand about the background of this blog.

      As I said before, not everyone can look at things objectively and say it was the offender acting of their own accord, not their family who did this. The family doesn’t always stand behind the offender and yet they are often also shunned and merely ‘guilty by association’ in many cases.

      In the days following the Boston Marathon bombing, I remember seeing one of the uncles of the two boys come forth on TV and verbally admonish them for this. He called them cowards and said they had brought shame on this family. In the comments below the story with the video, there was an outpouring of support for the uncle for this. And yet the mother and particularly their one aunt, continued to go online and in public saying they were innocent, they did the right thing and so forth. The family was obviously divided in their views and beliefs of the events.

      Taking sides is certainly human nature. Heck, you just need to go to any PTA meeting, HOA meeting or Little League game and it is clearly on public display. Some people just take it way too far.

  10. I’ve been doing some blog posting on Prison Talk lately…and that is an interesting and HUGE SITE….I posted a mention of Dr. Anna Salter’s books on PREDATORS. and my post was deleted. their “rules” for deleting posts are so arbritary it’s difficult to get any post other than a reply to someone’s crying about the mean old system that unfairly targets their loved one’s crime…such as robbing a store while high. Of course Junior or lover boy has no responsiblity for that because s/he was high at the time and they need rehabilitation not prison, and if they are black, well that is obviously racial profiling. Here’s the response I got when my post was deleted.

    Your post was deleted for a couple of reasons. First of all, you were way off topic to your own subject. The second reason it was deleted was because it was really against community purpose.

    • PTO Community Purpose:
    The purpose of the Prison Talk Online community is Prisoner & Family Support, Information and Assistance.

    I don’t know if you are aware, but we support EVERYBODY on this site, and we do have a community here that supports sex offenders, and there you were talking about how horrible pedophiles and sex offenders are. Can you imagine how some members who actually have loved ones that are sex offenders would feel had they seen your post?!

    No, we don’t discuss and compare crimes on PTO. It is a pointless discussion here.

    End quote:

    The site is the ostrich with it’s head in the sand, let’s don’t get real here on prison talk, let’s encourage every family member, wife or husband and child to support the criminal and encourage the loved ones to just over look the fact s/he is a pedophile and registered sex offender. Let’s do away with the SO registry because it makes it so hard on the family who loves and supports them, and on them too, when people know what kind of monster they are.

    I have to stop going there, it is very triggering…but it seems that the tens of thousands of members to that site must be “supported” and “reassured” that all their loved ones are “human and thus can change.” Somehow they don’t get it that there are patterns of behavior that show a person is NOT GOING TO CHANGE, DOESN’T WANT TO CHANGE, and will love bomb you to “support” them until they get free, or if they are in for LWOP, or DR then to amuse themselves emotionally conning you, or for commissary money.

    • Joyce,
      I understand your frustration! You already know that I’ve stumbled on to blogs that “support” abusers. huh? why?

      While I do understand that these people have problems with compulsive behavior and I’ll even go so far as to say that they are suffering as a result of this behavior, “support” should never be enabling. I’ve been there, done that. It doesn’t help, it makes the abuser WORSE.

    • Joyce,,,,,,,holy carp! That response is unreal. You know…….as I was listening to that Ariel Castro guy ramble on and on and on about his sickness and practicing the art of self touch and ***turbation, I wondered, as I would wonder about all these perps that the prison site supports, How many times have they taken the initiative to seek treatment? What have they DONE to help themselves overcome their sickness or compulsive behavior?
      I read that, and that’s the only contact I’ve had with the site period and I WAS triggered. Again, I go back to one of Dr. George Simons articles about Contrition…….


      • Good to see you Dotty, yea, it makes my skin crawl too…I think that Prison Talk and sites like it are definitely feeding these families what they WANT to hear not what they NEED to hear.

        As far as treatment for people like Castro, there is NO SUCCESSFUL treatment for people like him, he is a PSYCHOPATH and most pedophiles are also psychopaths, maybe not “all” but definitely most I think are, as well as sexual sadists and rapists.

        Yea, I WAS talking about “how horrible sex offenders are” LOL Sure enough, I think everyone here who knows my opinion on anything knows just how much I HATE pedophiles because I know the damage they do to innocent children.

        Dr. Anna Salter’s book, “Predators” was one of the most triggering and difficult books I’ve ever read and yet Ii am so glad I read it because it gave me a more clear idea about people like Castro. And you know, with his “fame” he will shortly if not already get letters from women who want to “hook up” with him. Heck, I’ve said this before, but it is totally UNBELIEVABLE yet I do believe, Jeffrey Dahmer had 14 (that is fourteen!) women writing to him and each one of them thought she was his “true love.” Of course Dahmer was just farking with them for his own entertainment, and he had a minister who thought he was “saved” and when he got killed and the minister found out about the letters to the women, the minister was thrown into cog/dis…he still believed Dahmer was sincere about his “saving” but just didn’t understand how a person who was saved would be leading these women on like that. LOL The minister obviously did not know about psychopaths and what entertains them.

        Sites like Prison Talk are the VERY reason I started this blog, and as far as I know, FamilyArrested is the ONLY site that truly supports the families of inmates and other offenders with the TRUTH about the situation.

        I don’t claim EVERY inmate is even guilty…or that there are NO inmates who will “reform” and go straight, I’ve actually known a few who changed their lives around after they got out, but the TRUTH is the majority of offenders do NOT grow halos and become upright citizens upon release, and as far as I know not one pedophile really turned their lives around.

        I had a person tell me once that they thought if the pedophiles and rapists were castrated it would make them less likely to offend, but the truth of that is that it does NOT. First off, castration of an ADULT male does not take away the ability for them to get an erection or to have a desire for sex with their chosen prey. A good example of this is Wayne Dumond who was castrated before his arrest for rape.


        Later, governor Huckabee, got Dumond released from prison, where upon he raped and killed another woman shortly after his release.

        It doesn’t matter if their penis is cut off (medically) the problem is not what is between their legs, but what is BETWEEN THEIR EARS.


        • Joyce,,,,,,you wrote…….”As far as treatment for people like Castro, there is NO SUCCESSFUL treatment for people like him, he is a PSYCHOPATH and most pedophiles are also psychopaths, maybe not “all” but definitely most I think are, as well as sexual sadists and rapists.”
          I know this but was posing the question as an example of how ridiculous it is to even entertain the notion of them using a compulsion or sickness as an excuse

          Judge: So Mr. Castro, how many times and where did you seek treatment for your sexual sickness/ compulsion?
          Castro: Well your Honor,,,,,,,I was GOING to get treatment but——
          Judge: Mr. Castro……you can stop talking now. Bailiff?.

          • Yea, it is sometimes difficult to detect sarcasm in the written word. Thanks for pointing it out. LOL

            Yea, “sickness” my arse! Seems everything vile is a “sickness” now, or because your mommy didn’t breast feed you, or your family was poor and you wanted $200 tennis shoes so you were so sick about it you had to beat another kid and take them off of him.

            Don’t know if you saw the news today about those two 16 year old kids who beat an 88 yr old WWII vet to death or not but one of them said it was “just a drug deal gone bad” that the old man was selling them drugs.

            Like even if it was true (which apparently it is not) then that made it okay. LOL Psychopaths just don’t “get it” do they??

          • Joyce, I’m wondering if you will pick up on this story…..I only heard part of it on the news today so excuse me here….Something about a guy and his woman maybe in Panama? She went missing, he said she ran off with someone……fighting, he’s a violent drunk? Anything?

        • Joyce says…….. “I had a person tell me once that they thought if the pedophiles and rapists were castrated it would make them less likely to offend, but the truth of that is that it does NOT. First off, castration of an ADULT male does not take away the ability for them to get an erection or to have a desire for sex with their chosen prey. A good example of this is Wayne Dumond who was castrated before his arrest for rape.”
          I say castrate them anyhow! I do understand it’s really not about sex to them Joyce but I do say castrate them anyhow! And I say it with the most vile feeling of anger and disgust imaginable. I can NOT wrap my head around a pedophile’s actions. CAN NOT!

        • In India, if you are caught stealing/ pick pocketing, etc, they cut off the fingers of your “clean hand” which is the hand Indians use to eat with. The other hand is used for the toilet. HARSH?? I was traveling across the country once and the man at the motel I stopped at was Indian and missing the fingers on his clean hand. Because I knew this Indian “tradition”, I knew why he was missing his fingers. NOW, it could have been something he did when he was much younger and he has changed his ways a long time ago but never the less, I wondered if that was why he was living in the US now.

          • In Saudi and other countries that are strictly Muslim they cut off the “clean” right hand for theft and there really is very little theft there…however, a woman who reports a rape, unless she has four male witnesses is prosecuted for having sex outside of marriage and whipped or put in prison or both, or forced to marry her rapist…so talk about “justice” there for women, there isn’t any.

            It really hasn’t been all that long here in the US where a woman was blamed as “asking for it”. And sometimes still today, read the new article I just put up about “outraged”

            These underage girls who end up drunk, passed out, etc at parties where they are gang raped while passed out and the video of it posted on youtube..OMG, what a night mare for these girls. Yes, they did something stupid, go to a party and get falling down drunk, but that does NOT excuse every kid there taking advantage of them….much less posting the video on line.

            Yea, does make one want retribution in the form of “cutting it off” but I think life behind bars without possibility of parole would be enough. Might make a few of these budding psychopathic kids sit up and take notice when they see the football hero go away to prison forever.

          • Joyce, she may not have intended to get falling down drunk in the first place. Alcohol or not she could have had something put in her drink or someone could have served her a drink that is LOADED with booze but doesn’t taste like it and it could knock her on her arse in no time flat. Been there, done that and been taken advantage of under those exact circumstances.
            How about a tattoo? A sex offender tattoo on their member that is known on an international level…………something pretty.
            Wow, i am feeling a lot of anger over this subject. But of course in my opinion, i was raped by the Spathtard for two years only using emotional manipulation and lies instead of drugs and alcohol.

    • I…. just…. have… no… words…

      Wow! and DAYUMMMMM!!!!

      Denial much????

      I have never been to the PT forum or website and that right there removed any and all budding curiosity for me. I just don’t ‘get it’ and from the sounds of things? Hopefully I NEVER will

  11. I’ve got two neighbors that have offending kids (in their 30s) who are REPEAT REPEAT offenders and yet they maintain that BLIND malignant hope that junior is going to reform, and even if he doesn’t they will continue to “support” him.

    The culture of the website like Prison Talk that have tens of THOUSANDS of members and continue to feed these families this false hope, or that encourage people to become romantically involved with death row inmates just “floor” me.

    I saw a 20/20 or dateline (can’t remember which) the other night about this con man who pretended to be a Christian and he would hook up with some of these “Mega Churches” where the “minister” got millions of dollars in pay each year and offer folks a chance to “invest” their life savings with him and get 20% return on their money…of course it was all a ponzi scheme and the guy disappeared along with the money. The TV company chased him down and tried to interview his wife and him to no avail. Many people lost their life savings. Just like Bernie Madoff bilked people out of their life savings.

    Too many of us (people in general) are too willing I think to hear the “kinder and gentler” thing that is what we WANT to hear. “Just support junior and he’s come around” or “just invest with me and you’ll get 20% return.” They play to our own greed, our own desire to hear what we want to happen…and almost always if it is “too good to be true,” IT AIN’T TRUE.

    • Joyce, I registered for Prison Talk and immediately regretted it. The one link that you posted about codependency was terrific, but the rest of the boards were full of a greater percentage of women discussing how unfair it was that their partners were incarcerated, etc…….UBER-pity-parties and very little in the way of “common sense.”

      It seems that the only “support” that was being discussed was for that of the offender and NOT the family members. The posts seem to enable the offenders in the guise of concern, and I just couldn’t stand it.

      I’m not wishing or hoping that people commit crimes and are convicted of them. And, yes – I “get it” that a number of convicts were railroaded – I really DO “get it.” But, you have mentioned this on countless occasions and it bears repetition: PAST BEHAVIORS are the best guideline. If someone just wakes up, one morning, and decides that they would rather rob a 7-11 instead of going to work, that’s an anomaly – something WAY out of character. It doesn’t mean that the perpetrator isn’t responsible for making that choice, but there must have been mitigating circumstances.

      The majority of the people in prisons have spent a greater part of their lives in corrections institutions. These people repeat, repeat, repeat, and continue to repeat their stupid choices and they simply ARE NOT GOING TO CHANGE. What I see happening on PT is that partners and family members are ENABLING the stupid choices through guilt and shame for the actions of another human being.

      I simply cannot tolerate the false hope and rampant enabling on that site, Joyce. I’m SO glad that you’ve started this blog to discuss things in REAL TERMS. Thank you, so much.

      • Thank you Truthy, I think as a mother of an offender who is violent and unrepentant, and as a former victim of two predatory marriages, you DO “get it” and I also realize just how PAINFUL it was for you to come to the conclusion that you had to “write off” your oldest son. As far as I know, everyone posting here has had a run in with an offender (prosecuted or not) who was at the very least very high in psychopathic traits, and the bottom line on people high in the traits of a psychopath are not going to change and “reform” and to be told that you are not a “good person:” if you “give up” on such a person who repeatedly offends the moral and civil laws, even to the extent of violent murder and violent rape, is to me an OUTRAGE.

        Personally, I have been told by very sincere people, good people even, that “You can’t give up on him, he’s your son” or that my love for my son must be totally UNconditional. I see the suffering first hand in people who accept another’s horrible behavior and continue a relationship with them.

        I’ve thought long and hard about my decision to go no contact with my son, and to fight his parole, and coming to that decision was traumatic too me.

        One of the people I know, a minister in prisons, at first believed Patrick had repented , but then found out about the attempt on my life, and I was able to educate this minister about psychopaths. As a minister who truly believed that “everyone” could be changed, it went against everything he believed but he eventually had to come to the conclusion that that was NOT the case with a psychopath.

        The Bible talks about people with “reprobate minds” and me that sums up the mind of the psychopath. EVERYONE I know including me have done things that I think they knew at the time were wrong, but chose to do them anyway. Plus everyone has also made mistakes in judgment not knowing they were “wrong.” Those things have consequences. But it is the PATTERN of repeatedly doing things that someone knows is wrong and yet they keep on doing it. Armed robbery, rape, murder, mayhem…that PATTERN of violence and doing things that are WRONG is something that the majority of folks who act that way have no desire to change.

        In reading on Prison Talk I “hear” the pain in the voices of the parents and spouses of the offenders…the false hope that the offender will not go back to prison “next time.” As long as those people keep up their false hope, when it is dashed to the ground, those people will be reinjured again and again. I just got tired of that roller coaster of hope and disappointment. I lived in that false hope and denial for two decades. It took a lot to throw me into seeing that my own position was WRONG and that as much as it hurt to give up on Patrick, it was the ONLY way to survive.

        I do feel for many of these parents and spouses though, because I KNOW first hand how they suffer emotional and financial distress.

        I saw a “survey” on PT though that was also interesting. The survey was about “have YOU spent any time incarcerated?” There were 28% of the people who took the survey who had been incarcerated themselves. Several people commented as well that “they hadn’t been caught” for their crimes. So I am thinking that there are many bloggers there who are also high in psychopathic traits which makes it more likely that they would “support” their loved one who was incarcerated, and that they would not hold them accountable for their crimes.

        I agree that there are some innocent inmates, and that the prison system itself is brutal and in many cases corrupt, but to blame the “system” for the inmate’s crimes is beyond the pale.

  12. Here is a link to “sample parole letters” as suggested on Prison talk. Someone googled “how to write a parole letter” and ended up being given a link to Family Arrested, and I linked to their quest and found these examples. I thought you might be interested in them since they are for sex offenders.


    One letter appeared to be from a prison pen pal relationship. (head shaking here)

    • So maybe my morbid curiosity got the better of me. I went and had a peek at some of the sample letters. EEEGADS people!

      I may have made it thru 4 letters, mostly just skimming the beginning of each paragraph for the ‘highlights’ and THAT was almost too much to stomach.

      • The Phoenix, I read, in horror, some of the absolute nonsensical bullshirt and nearly threw the fark UP on my monitor!!!!


        I was only able to tolerate about 2 posts before I had to leave that site. I don’t care HOW many members it has, the site encourages enabling and sets the convicts’ friends, family, and “loved” ones up for even GREATER disappointment.


        Dotty, good to “see” you! 🙂

  13. They even have as I posted in Prison Pen Pals article sections for people who met in jail or prison, and one was even about a nurse who got sexually involved with an inmate and then he dumped her when he got out…DUH? She **pity her** lost her job because their sexual escapades were discovered.

    I am sure that she was also emotionally needy and he groomed her, like all pedophiles do with the “love bomb”. In his book “Violent Attachments” J. Reid Meloy talks about these people who become involved with famous or infamous criminals…but there are also “ordinary” women/men who also become involved with not so famous ones.

    The poster here (his posts have been deleted) who claimed to want advice about hiring an attorney was a long time PT blogger (over 3,500 posts) and when I investigated his posts, I discovered that he was involved with a DR inmate who had stabbed her two children to death and he just can’t wait for her to be released so they can have sex. DUH? Of course when I challenged him on this, he denied that he had made those posts, said his PT account had been hacked. Accused me of hacking it. LOL I think he was some sort of “catfish” so ended up deleting his posts. My blog, my rules! LOL

    It does make me sad though, that the entire PT blog encourages people to accept any kind of bad behavior and to believe that “anyone can change.” That’s as much a myth as “there is good down in everyone” and “everyone deserves a second chance.” There ARE those people, such as Castro, who never need to see the light of day except through bars, or this teacher in today’s article.

    • Joycie, I have no time for people who walk into such a situation with their eyes wide open. That’s not to say that the prison nurse wasn’t used, abused, and discarded – no doubt, she surely was! But, for crying out LOUD – there are “rules” about inmate contact for a danged good REASON. WHY would anyone risk a very healthy salary, benefits, and retirement on a farking convict?! WHY?!?! Just………why?

      What I’m saying is that the majority of the convicts are in prisons for very VALID reasons. They are not going to change because someone else pays attention to them. Quite the contrary! The human predator that is INCARCERATED has nothing BUT time on their hands to machinate new and creative ways to set up their scams and frauds. They are NOT interested in “rehabilitating” themselves. They are only interested in running whatever scams that they can – not ALL of them, but most of them.

      The human predators who are NOT incarcerated are far more dangerous than the ones that are, IMHO. At least, the people behind bars have a visible “heads up!” that they are, indeed, inmates. It’s the people like the exspath who have never faced charges and likely never will that are the most dangerous – there’s nothing to point at to say that this person has a greater likelihood of running a scam.

      With that in mind, I do not have time for inmates. NOR do I have time for the people who are paid handsome salaries to babysit them, either. A prison is an INDUSTRY, and that industry is based upon deceit, betrayal, violence, and disorder of the highest degree.

      Nope, nope, nope………..no, thank you………don’t wanna hear it………..don’t wanna read it……….don’t ask me to, because I won’t.

      EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEgads…………..(face-palming forehead in utter disbelief)

  14. Though there are many things I disagree with J Reid Meloy about, his assessment in his book “violent attachments” about the kind of person who becomes a prison pen pal to death row inmates such as Dahmer and Rameriz etc. or that nurse, or the four women guards who had sex with the inmate in Baltimore and had children by him. Apparently they found a booklet written by and for the gang members on HOW TO CON THE VULNERABLE WOMEN GUARDS there and get them to smuggle things in and to have sex with them. So this is not something that is not ORGANIZED in some cases at least, these offenders are AWARE of what they are doing, and they know how to pick out the vulnerable people and groom them, just like a pedophile grooms a child.

    In a way if not actually, WE were all groomed and used because of our vulnerabilities to the people who abused us. Truthy your two ex husbands groomed you because of your core “shame” and beliefs, Dorthy, your ex groomed you because you needed the very basic TOUCH and tenderness that we all need….the NEED FOR TOUCH, and tenderness and love is innate in every primate and most mammals. The lack of that nurturing and touch will actually cause an infant to DIE.

    After my husband died, one of the biggest fears and griefs I suffered was that I knew realistically that the chance for me to have another intimate relationship with a man was pretty well zilch…so when the man I started dating groomed me, I fell for it HOOK LINE AND SINKER–and only months later realized he was just looking for another “respectable wife” to cheat on and keep his harem at bay, he had NO intention of giving up the harem…he had cheated on his wife of 32 years the entire time of their marriage with multiple long term affairs all going at once. When she FINALLY found proof she kicked him out so he needed another “respectable” wife to keep up his public front. For some reason he liked nurses, as about 2/3 of his “harem” were nurses.

    When I realized I had been “had” I grieved again. I am just glad that I had a STRONG boundary where intimate relationships were concerned and would not tolerate cheating in a mate.

    Now, I am okay without a “relationship”–yea, one would be “nice,” but is not ESSENTIAL to my being “okay.”

    • Okay……….here’s my problem with “treatment.” Billions of people fantasize about various things. From sex with a child to winning the lottery, fantasy is NOT a crime, though it might be repulsive, deviant, and/or simply foolish. But, for those who “reach out” to a therapist BEFORE they act on their urges, I believe that these people have the ability, courage, and willingness to redirect and rewire their thinking.

      It is the offender who acts out on their fantasies that is the danger – they know that what they are doing is immoral and illegal, yet they are willing to risk their very lives to perpetrate these crimes. They cannot be saved. They simply can’t, regardless of this current study, or that current treatment, the are what they are and they have made the choice to INDULGE in something that is simply WRONG.

      • Oh, I agree with you. If you go back and look at the comments on that article I think you will see that most of the bloggers there agree with you and me on this situation.

        The viewing of the porno videos only FEEDS the desire to ACT, it is not in my opinion “harmless” and BTW children WERE harmed in making that video, it isn’t like they used paper dolls they used REAL LIVE CHILDREN for those videos, so by being a “customer” of that person who made the film, they are promoting it.

  15. This subject just turns my stomach! In this country although we too have sex offender registry the law stink. I see these people walking out of jail anywhere from 9 days to two years.I see the mothers taking the fathers side and blaming the children even though the father plead guilty or step father or uncle or anyone.They play these women to no end and convince them there children are liars. They are taking the time in jail to save the children from going through a court case. This is sick when are we going to stop this world from using children for there inhuman life style. They say children are protected and children have rights that is the biggest bull story I have ever heard.My grandsons would be free and being shown the proper way life should be instead of learning all the wrong ways of life.I see such a change in my grandsons and not for the good, because they had no rights.I just pray everyday that they are not being sexually abused because I do not think I would take that to well with how I feel about pedophiles. I too was told by a psychiatrist. That once a pedophile always a pedophile! It just makes me sick how they manipulate these children to make them think they are special.Some people are able to forgive this behavior but I’m afraid I am not one of them.

  16. Grandmother, I agree with you, you know I have no empathy for a pedophile. Yes, once a pedophile, always a pedophile…and only a ,life without parole sentence would protect the public…yet, we no longer give live without parole for rape. When I was a kid my state had the death penalty for rape of any kind. While I am opposed now to the death penalty due to so many innocent people being convicted, I do strongly support life without parole.

    • Yepper…………..once a pedophile, always a pedophile whether or not sex organs are involved. In my mind, it’s not only about the sickening physical acts that these people do – it also makes me physically nauseous to even GO there about what these people do. It’s also about the power and control, IMHO.

  17. Here’s a site about a sex offender family program run by “the system” to encourage families of sex offenders to “monitor” the offender when they are off parole or probation for signs they may be re-offending


    Here’s a quote that appears to be contradictory to me….and why would the “system” encourage families to take these people back into their bossoms?

    Through the eight-week program, family members of sex offenders learn some of the psychological reasoning behind sexual abuse and how to cope with some of the issues that arise in a family – such as an offender’s deception and relapses.

    “Sex offenders are deceptive and they keep secrets. They have to be deceptive and keep secrets in order to keep offending,” Goebel said. “They keep it from their family because sex offending, especially on a little kid, is disgusting, it’s revolting, it’s deviant and it’s against the law,” he said. “People look down on sex offenders. They don’t want people to know, so they keep everything secretive. That’s part of what we’re doing with this group – is to let people know that their offender is probably keeping secrets and not telling the whole truth.”

    There is a myth that the majority of sexual offenders are caught, convicted and in prison.

    National statistics estimate that only half of all sexual abuse cases are ever reported, and of cases investigated by police, only 20 percent of offenders are indicted and charged, Arkland said.

    Most convicted sex offenders are eventually released to the community under probation or parole supervision, she said.

    While offenders are under supervision, they are more likely to receive treatment and have constant supervision to deter them from further violations. But when they’re released is the real test, Arkland said.

    “This group is so important because when the offender is completely done with treatment and off of probation – who’s going to be there? These families will be there and they will be able to identify if the offender is in a cycle.”

Leave a Reply