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PRISON GROUPIES, what makes them tick — 15 Comments

    • I always wondered how women can get involved with these guys. The idea makes my skin crawl, of course that’s what happens when you have a modicum of self worth I suppose. Thank you for the insight.

  1. Joyce, I’ve known a few prison groupies – all female. Each one of these women had extraordinarily low self-esteem. One of these women was actually very beautiful, but she had experienced extreme abuse within her family dynamics, and believed that she was unworthy, undeserving, and un-loveable. She grew up believing that she was useless, and acted accordingly. I grew up in the same type of dysfunction, and I can completely relate to this absence of self-esteem, etc.

    Having typed that, I believe that there is a personality disorder that causes individuals to deliberately seek out unhealthy and abnormal personal relationships.

    With regard to the low self-esteem, the sociopath and psychopath are keen observers. They “see” what their targets want and formulate a persona behind prison walls that cannot be confirmed or refutes, particularly when the spaths’ family members are estranged. A fantasy is constructed using the target’s own vulnerabilities, and I can attest that a spath doesn’t have to be in prison to generate this fiction.

    The first spouse played the victim: wounded, unloved, abandoned, discarded, wronged, and overlooked. I honestly believed that the intensity of my loyalty, love, and faithfulness would guide (or shove) this man onto the path that he had been meant to be on. With my love as his anchor, he would realize his true potential and “Become Somebody.” Well……..what a crock of shiat! It began with little things like embellishing the truth or lying to protect him from consequences. “He’s sick, today, so he won’t be coming in to work.” Later, it became more and more outrageous, and I had to “prove” my love for him by engaging in all manner of activities that were completely unethical, immoral, and downright illegal – this includes insurance fraud. I would be compelled to lie to my family members for money at his urging. Instead of my saying, “NO – I am NOT going to do that,” I went along with the program because I was afraid of his actions (beatings, emotional battery, spousal rape, etc.), and I was also afraid that I would be “responsible” if our children didn’t have Christmas presents or birthday parties, etc.

    The inmate or offender (if they aren’t incarcerated) sets us up using our own needs and vulnerabilities AGAINST us. Vulnerabilities are precious – they are evidence of our own humanity and should be guarded, at all costs. However, when a spath or ppath discovers the depth of our humanity, they use those vulnerabilities to compel their targets to do their dirty work FOR them, so that they can alter the facts to say, “I had nothing to do with his/her actions.”

    It takes a strong and courageous individual (male or female) to step back, separate their feelings from the facts, and calculate their own risks of being involved with manipulators like both of my ex-spouses, or Patrick, or any other “offender” that uses people for their own ends. Once I learned how badly my humanity had been battered, I sought counseling therapy to uncover my issues, address them, process them, and find a healthier and more balanced path for myself. This is no easy task, especially when I felt absolutely worthless 5 years ago.

    I do feel pity for men and women who involve themselves with inmates because they are obviously in need of something, but the reality of prison romances is that they’re going to be used, abused, and discarded like those before them were. Sadly, they are so deluded that they refuse to accept the facts for what they are, and that is truly pitiful to me.

    • …….I wanted to add that anyone who could execute a beautiful young girl over money – yes, money – and feel NO remorse for their actions will have no possibility of “growing” or developing a conscience at any point, regardless of the help, love, or intentions of other people.

      Neither of my ex-spouses served a day behind bars. In fact, the second ex works for the Department of Corrections and is, for all intents and purposes, a criminal, himself. MOST of the prison personnel are walking a very fine line between being officers and being inmates, themselves.

      In Patrick’s situation (as in both ex-spouses’), the is one resident in his personal Universe: Patrick. All others are simply tools to be used until they break. Once they break, they are discarded (or, executed).

      And, in the situations of either ex-spouse, warning any target would have been useless and fruitless. Warning people of their imminent danger only “validates” that assertions of the spath(s) that everyone else is “against” them.

      It’s a very, very dark, murky, and treacherous place to be when trying to stay with a psychopath – particularly, someone who was diagnosed by a psychiatric provider OF being a psychopath. A copperhead snake is not going to change into a kitten – not ever. Even if I spend every waking moment WISHING it to, it will always remain a copperhead and it will be MY burden if I’m bitten because the snake will only be doing what irritated snakes do. Same with psychopaths. They do what they do, and there isn’t a soul on this planet that can alter that fact.

  2. VeryZen, I think you hit the nail on the head. I see prison groupies, and Patrick has several of them, as “enablers” and “rescuers” and as in the Dark Triad of RESCUER-PERSECUTOR-VICTIM. While the inmate is inside, the groupie sees him or herself as a rescuer who will ultimately receive love and gratitude when the inmate does eventually get out (and most do eventually get out, at least for a while). The truth is though, that the criminal, who is most likely very high in psychopathic traits (or they wouldn’t have been inside prison for felonies) or maybe a full on psychopath like my son, but they are NOT CAPABLE of feeling remorse, or gratitude.

    Back after Kenneth Hamilton, Patrick’s buddy, that he had sent to infiltrate our family was arrested for trying to kill my son Andrew, we found letters from Patrick to Hamilton, telling him how to manipulate my mother, and Andrew. Hamilton was also having an affair with andrew’s wife. When andrew caught them having the affair, he sent a letter to Patrick complaining about Hamilton. A week later, after Hamilton and my daughter in law’s arrests, a letter came back in response to Andrew’s letter to Patrick, directing Andrew to find a way to “be friends” with the man (Hamilton) having an affair with his wife. LOL

    Patrick just did not “get it” that you are not going to be able to “be friends” with the man who is boinking your wife. By the time Patrick’s letter got back to his brother, Hamilton and she both were in jail for trying to kill Andrew. After their arrests, we found all the letters in Hamilton’s room from Patrick to Hamilton describing in minute detail how to manipulate Andrew, my mother, and me.

    When I first protested Patrick’s parole, I sent copies of many of these letters from Patrick to Hamilton to the parole board, even one letter that had been smuggled out (not sent through the prison mail which is open, not sealed) on how to smuggle into the craft shop contraband. Also for at least part of that time Patrick had a cell phone smuggled in on which he communicated with Hamilton and who knows who else.

    During this time I even got a call on my cell phone from one of Patrick’s groupies. (That was before I quit having any contact with Patrick after the Hamilton affair.)

    In studying psychology, and dysfunctional behaviors like the Dark Triad, I realize that many of us, myself included, have seen this dysfunctional behavior as “normal.” I was raised in a household that I didn’t realize was dysfunctional. Many of the hardships of my life have been caused by my inability to see that I was functioning as an enabler, in rescuing someone from the consequences of their bad behaivor, giving them many many “second” chances, hoping against hope that I could find a way for them to stop doing bad things. I kept thinking that I could “fix” anything, that somehow I could get into their heads and say just the right words to reach them.

    Unfortunately, there ARE no “right words.”

  3. Joyce, you’re spot-on about the “right words.” In many cases, even the “right words” won’t make a difference, particularly to those (like myself!) who have control issues. And, I realized that the control issues are part-and-parcel of dysfunction. If I can “control” the scenario, then I can force a positive / pleasant outcome, at long last.

    What’s the definition of insanity? Repeating the same things over, and over, and expecting a different outcome? LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! Well, that’s exactly what I did and I became outraged that my efforts were fruitless to “change” things, people, events, actions, etc…..I wanted to be able to make everything better for everyone around the world, and in every nation! I mean, I can laugh about it, today, but I spent the majority of my lifetime in a state of anxiety, anger, and fear…and, the Dark Triad has each of these debilitating emotions at each corner.

    What is pitiful for people who choose to remain involved with the grossly disordered is that they’ll continue down their self-destructive path even when they are presented hard, cold evidence that the person that’s actually controlling them cares not one iota about “feelings,” because those people are incapable of feeling anything other than greed, rage, and envy.

  4. One of the things that struck me about the book written by the minister who had “converted” Jeffrey Dahmer was that he said in the last chapter that he believed Jeffrey was sincere in his conversion, he did NOT UNDERSTAND about the 14 women that Jeffrey was conning. LOL

    Even after seeing PROOF that Dahmer was still conning others, he couldn’t accept that he had also been conned.

    Knowing psychopaths like I do, the 2 or 3 times a week that Jeffrey got out of his solitary cell for a “religious” meeting was ENTERTAINMENT for a psychopath who had little other chances to con someone. Actually some psychologists have postulated that psychopaths actually function well inside of prison because there are so MANY RULES and so many other cons to interact with and the guards (many of who are also psychopathic) and when they can break a rule and not get caught they get an “adrenaline fix” and even getting caught is another adrenaline fix. LOL It is all about the con, playing the game. Just as a compulsive gambler gets an adrenaline fix when they win, they also get a fix when they lose. So it is a win-win situation with the Psychopath and the gambler. (many of whom are also psychopaths)

    In the boxes and boxes of letters I have that Patrick wrote to Kenneth Hamilton, the plots and plans that they hatched between them on how to take control of my mother’s money, and get rid of me…and how to smuggle contraband into the prison, and patrick bragging over the scams he had pulled even inside prison, and bragged about how much worse his crime was than even the cops knew (the exact same thing he had said to me) and how he had told a warden to “stick it up his Mexican arse” when he got caught smuggling porno into prison. In one letter Patrick said how he ENJOYED pulling a fast one against the “Hacks.”

    Strangely enough for a man who had spent all but about 12 months of his life after age 17 inside jail or prison, he considers himself to BE A SUCCESSFUL PERSON. Successful at what? Getting away with petty crime against the guards inside a prison. Even though in the first 15 years of being in prison he got caught and put in solitary 19 times? I sit here and shake my head. Psychopaths just DO NOT GET IT that no person in their right mind could “look up to” a person who has been such a failure in life whose only claim to fame is that he is mean enough and heartless enough to execute a young girl.

    His criminal career has not been a rousing success. But I will say this for him, he has conned a lot of people in his life and for a time I was one of them. Until he told me he was PROUD of the horror of his crime I kept on hoping that he would grow up into a beautiful kiind caring and really successful person. He had the smarts to do so, but he got more pleasure out of conning others, being a “big shot” (he thought). It took the bragging to stop me from seeing him through my THICK ROSY COLORED GLASSES. In fact, I had a therapist tell me once that she thought my rosy colored glasses were the thickest she had ever seen. L:ike you, Zen, I thought I could “fix” any problem that anyone else had made for themselves, and until Patrick broke my glasses, I couldn’t even tell I had them on.

    Now, I too continue to be altruistic but NOT enabling, and frankly I pat myself on the back when I have a rare time I actually DO help someone who only needs a hand up and who uses my help to rise and get on with their life, doing for themselves what they are responsible for.

    The ultimate things in our lives should be gratitude for what we have, accepting what IS, not grieving over what is NOT, and being willing to be altruistic but not enabling. And for sure, not looking at a person, or a situation through rose colored glasses that make a pile of carp look like candy.

  5. I know of one case of a “prison groupie” who has faithfully written to her inmate for many years. This poor woman is quite obese and is confined to a wheel chair. I feel sorry for this poor woman’s problems, but all the research done on prison groupies versus inmates shows that the inmates envision some Playboy center fold-lookiing young woman, when the reality is that most of the women available to them are far from that “ideal woman” that they have dreamed of getting out and finding.

    According to the book “The felon” which is a research study on the VISIONS and fantasies that inmates have of “life in the free world” are noting but a FANTASY. they want and expect a beautiful woman, a cool car, a great job paying lots of money, and the truth of the matter is that these men (and women) who are released out of prison after being there for many years don’t find these fantasies coming true.

    I think part of the reason that many of the women who become “prison groupies” are women who have low self esteem, and they build up this pen-pal relationship trying to find their “true love” when they have not had much male attention in the REAL WORLD.

    When most felons who are released do not fulfill their fantasy they turn back to crime and go back to prison. Many are on a strict parole. Like my son Patrick will be. But just as Patrick has never obeyed ANY probation rules or parole restrictions (such as getting a gun which he did almost immediately when he was released after the aggravated robbery) The chances of my son having “reformed” are nil. He was diagnosed by professionals as a psychopath, and actually 25% of all felony inmates are psychopaths and the average score for all inmates is 22 which is very close to being diagnosed as a psychopath. Surely not a good candiidate for a husband or a lover.

    The problem is those that those women and men who are “prison groupies” build up a fantasy relationship that is very much like a TRAUMA BOND, which is almost impossible to break.

    I saw a 20/20 show once about various men and women who had been scammed by even men posing as women to sucker a man into sending them money, and forwarding stolen merchandise for them and their buddies.

    Actually, I think I was trauma bonded to Patrick for a long time until that day at a visit when he told me and his adopted brother that he was ACTUALLY PROUD of killing Jessica Witt. But some how, thank God, it hit me in the face and I had to face FACTS not my fantasy of Patrick getting out, going straight and being the son I wanted.

    I feel great compassion for these “prison groupies” and family members who can’t believe that Junior is really a stone cold killer and a thief, or whatever landed him in prison with a life sentence. (sometimes with parole) I’ve seen these people in the visiting room, I’ve been that mother in the visiting room. Until the truth finally set me free, until it hit me in the face and I could no longer deny it, I was bonded to Patrick. I thank God that He let me see Patrick for what he is and to ignore alll the letters he sent me about him wanting to come home and be a “good boy” Giving up my fantasy was as hard as losing a loved one to death.

  6. I wish that prison groupies had the wherewithal to understand and accept the facts about prison inmates. NO, not all inmates are going to remain criminals for the rest of their lives, but there are absolute “tells” about an inmate’s sincerity, and Patrick flies in the face of every “tell” that exists.

    I am absolutely no “looker,” and I have serious relationship issues as a result of past experiences and personal decisions. Sometimes, I do feel as if I might enjoy having a companion. Then, I begin to recollect how many relationships out there are SO f&cked up and how they continue because of denial, fear, and shame. Therefore, I let go of that thought and move on with my day. I don’t NEED anyone to make me feel worthy or deserving. And, I am very attuned to the false flattery when men and women want something from me – I “get it” after all of these decades of NOT understanding any of this dynamic.

    I wish that prison groupies could, for 24 hours, actually live inside the heads of their inmates (male AND female) and learn what these people are truly thinking, believing, and planning. They would probably be so sickened that they would seek counseling therapy to process the truths they they learned. I do pity these men and women who believe that they will be “The One” to help their convict change. (sigh) What a waste of time and energy…………

  7. Zen, I too fell for the “love bomb” from MORE THAN ONE psychopath, including my own son Patrick. I fell for the “love bomb” from my biological father who was a raging psychopath and criminal who managed to skirt the law and stay out of prison.

    The man I dated after my husband died “love bombed” me to the max and I fell for it hook line and sinker. Swallowed the hook completely but fortunately I woke up before I married him. At the time of my husband’s death I felt “old, fat ugly and no one would ever love me again.” It was a horrible feeling because I did enjoy having a companion and husband that I loved dearly.

    Like you, I have looked over the available men and I can’t see a one I would have “baked with an apple in his mouth and served on a platter” LOL I am perfectly okay as I am, fat and old. One is a COMPLETE NUMBER. It took me a long time to realize that, but I finally GOT IT as well.

    And as for even “friends” (male or female) if they give me stress and drama I don’t need them in my life. I am fortunate though that I have my adopted son and my step son and my oldest biological son that do care for me, don’t give me drama and pan and we are there to support each other..I have great friends as well so my life is complete without a spouse or lover. My life is FULL and I enjoy it, which is what life is all about. Even as we age we need to enjoy our lives, do things that give us pleasure.

    Sure there will be some tough times, like right now I am having to take care of my mother because her house burned and must be rebuilt almost from the ground up, but I take time for myself and even though she has Altzhiemers I set some limits on her, and take time off to go out and enjoy myself. and get away from the care giving.

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  10. Please realize that you wrote “here in Arkansas”. If you are in hiding and actually live in Arkansas, you should delete that.

    I hate it that I have to always look over my shoulder. Frickin’ ugh.

    • Lisa, oh, he knows I am living in Arkansas on my family’s farm, but when/if he gets out I will not be where he can find me with the best private detective he could hire even if he had the money to do so. I hate the thought of leaving my family’s home where we have lived for nearly 175 years but you know it is just land and I can’t take it with me and my and my other sons’ health and welfare is more important than where we live. We have each other’s back. And as far as any of his buddies coming here not afraid of that either as 1) I have photos of most of them, 2) we are well armed with a 3) killer security system so for the time being I’m safe.

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