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Processing Grief — 2 Comments

  1. Joyce, thanks for opening this site with the topics of grief and denial.

    I had never been in doubt that my son had issues – he had been “different” from birth, and I tried speaking to his father about this, frequently. There was this absence of bonding and many other things that were disturbing. To no avail.

    There is no easy, quick, or painless way to grieve the “loss” of a disordered child. It was tantamount to having my son declared deceased, and I still grieve for that extraordinarily beautiful infant, on occasion.

  2. Truthspeak,

    You’re welcome. I know there are sites to support people who have been victimized by disordered people, sites for rape victims, sites for the survivors when a family member is killed but there doesn’t seem to be any that I can find to assist families of offenders or families with members who are “problematic.” or potential offenders. I remember when Patrick first started his “out oof control” behavior I wanted to find some way to show him what a wonderful life he could have if he just quit this defiant behavior….but of course it got worse and worse and I became more and more frantic. I felt so ALONE, though there actually were millions of good, nurturing parents with kids who are defiant, I just didn’t know where or how to contact them. For decades I kept his behavior a deep dark secret from everyone except a few very close friends. I bore the shame of a “failed parent.” Then I started to work in mental health full time and I realized I was not alone,

    I started to learn about mental illness and disorders, and to educate myself about my son and what he is. My son is a psychopath (sociopath, anti-social personality disorder) There is no hope for him to change. I eventually learned about the “early signs” of psychopathy, and also learned that not all of the kids who show these “early signs” actually become psychopaths, and not all psychopaths are violent and many end up as doctors, lawyers, judges, senators, generals, and captains of industry.

    Learning about human behavior can be very daunting, especially if we are dealing with our children whom we love. So I want to support the parents who are “failures” or think they might become “failures”—when our children “fail to be what we want for them” we are NOT FAILURES. God bless.

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