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  1. Joyce, thank you for posting this article – it should open up a whole discussion about “alleged offenders.” Not every offender is arrested and incarcerated. Some are able to simply work their sociopathy without using/abusing drugs, stealing, etc…..

    Wiener’s behaviors also strike close to home for me. It was the exspath’s sexual activities that ostensibly ended the marriage, but I discovered the depths of his betrayals only after he left and I called the financial institution that held my investments to find out what precisely happened to my investments. This was about 4 weeks after he left, and the information was shocking, at the very least.

    Of course, there are some couples that have an agreement and/or understanding with regard to their mutual and individual sexual habits and appetites. Okay. I don’t have to agree with it, but it’s an arrangement between two consenting adults. When someone engages in the types of behaviors that Wiener did, it’s NOT some sort of “agreement” between him and his spouse. This man clearly is a sexual predator and his wife now has a choice: either continue enabling, or call her spouse what he is. A cad.

    “Denial” is what happens when the facts are glimpsed and we choose to pretend that they’re something completely different. “Acceptance” is when we acknowledge that the facts cannot be denies, disputed, or negotiated into something more pleasant.


  2. Yea, I have no doubt that this man is perverted, first, and that he is an absolute narcissist secondly…and a cad for sure. His word is not good, he is not trust worthy and yet, he seems to think that people don’t “get it” about what he is. Even while going to therapy with his wife he was continuing to engage in the perverted behavior.

    Now even ex president Clinton I read in the news today is asking him to drop out of the race for mayor…I hope actually he doesn’t drop out, I hope he stays in the race and gets 1% of the votes, which ought to take the wind out of his narcissistic sails.

    As for Huma one of the best articles about her and her husband actually raised the comment that maybe her relationship with him is a “business” deal politically as at one time they were a power couple in politics and she was close to Hillary Clinton who has a “business partnership” with her “husband in name only” but is pushing toward the run for president…Huma could go up the ladder with Hillary and maybe she feels like a divorce would scotch her chances, but at this point I think the jig is up for this “marriage” and if she does stay with him after this public exposure of what he is that she will surely ruin her own career ambitions.

    Look at poor Nigella Lawson and the public outing of her abuse at the hands of that creep of a husband she has/had. I think if there h ad been no public outing she probably would have stayed and endured the abuse behind closed doors. I think Huma may be in the same spot, this second public exposure of her husbands perversions is going to put a lot of pressure on her to divorce him. If she stays after this, then she falls into the category of mine that “you can’t help someone when they won’t help themselves.” I hate to see any woman or man for that matter put up with that kind of carp….I know about “denial” because I did well with it for a long time, only it was my son, not my husband who was the offender. I hope Huma will bail out and save herself and her son from this pervert.

  3. Fool me once, shame on you seems to fit well within this story. Huma has the perfect opportunity to leave now and not doing so would make her look every bit his enabler. But what message does this send to their son?

    It matters not if you no longer love your wife, you can do as you please and she will stay. Nice, huh?

    I hope for the sake of the son if nothing else, that she leaves. Tigers don’t change their stripes.

  4. OneBadPixie, the unfortunate data on victims of domestic violence and/or abuse is that they must have 6 “significant” experience that either cause them to leave or kick out the abuser before they are able to process the fact that the leopard isn’t changing its spots.

    Those of us who were raised with a crippling shame-core assume the responsibility of the actions of EVERYONE. “I don’t deserve anything better because I’m __________.” The blank can be filled with any derogatory insult that we’ve experienced: too fat, too thin, too stupid, too quite, too loud, too busy, etc.

    In my personal experiences, abusers have never “loved.” They only covet and envy. Once they have whatever it is that they envy or covet, they’ve accomplished their goal and quickly tire of whatever it is that they obtained. Wive/husband? Well, they’ve become sexually boring or run out of money. Dream job? THAT has become boring. Home or property? Requires too much attention. Etc., etc., ad nauseum.

  5. The statistics of hard core drug users “reforming” and staying reformed is WITH THE BEST OF THERAPY 36%, without therapy it is 5%—and I would almost bet it is about the same with domestic abuse victims. Too many stay for the duration and can never break free, just as addicts don’t. I don’t know if Huma really loves this creep or if he abuses her otherwise. My bet is that he emotionally abuses her at the very least. But who knows, maybe they do as the article I linked to above questioned about, maybe it is a marriage of convenience for political careers. It is obvious though that he is a scum bag bottom feeder with an addiction to fantasy sex with people over the internet and he is very unlikely to ever change.

    She has at least publicly remained a “lady” no matter what goes on behind closed doors, but now that it has been PUBLICLY exposed, if she stays she is either a hard core enabler, or she is a typical abused wife (even if only emotionally) but she h as the credentials to leave and make a living for herself and her son, I’m not sure Anthony could run for dog catcher and win. People would expect him to sexually abuse the dogs.

    I sincerely hope that she finds the courage to leave him, make a life for herself and let go of this mill stone around her neck. Just as I hope that Nigella Larson is able to do the same. I have known too many women who went back to cheating abusive a-holes and never escaped it. Truthy, I am so glad that you have escaped and are rebuilding your life in a healthy manner. You are right, it takes many times to quit any addiction, took me for way to long to quit cigarettes and way to long to let go of my psychopathic son and all the FANTASY hopes I had for his reform. So I am not any better than the women who stay with men who abuse them, I just let my SON abuse me where I would never have let a spouse abuse me…funny that. I did have boundaries where a marriage was concerned but none where “family and friends” were concerned.

  6. UPDATE: here’s an article in NYTimes that I thought was interesting on Tony’s problem.


    His pattern of behavior is intriguing to mental health professionals and experts on sexual behavior, who — while they emphasize they cannot offer an authoritative diagnosis without examining him — discussed a variety of possible explanations for such conduct.

    Some suggested the indiscretions might be an addiction with neurological roots. Others theorized that Mr. Weiner, a Democratic candidate for mayor of New York, could be meeting sexual needs unsatisfied in a marriage. And still others said he might be driven by a combination of a mood disorder and feelings of inadequacy to seek reassurance about his masculinity from women he had never met.

    How an accomplished adult could continually engage in such behavior and believe that he would not be caught would be a central question in any diagnosis, said Dr. Richard C. Friedman, a professor of clinical psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College.

    How about the fact he is a narcissist of major proportions who thinks he is above all moral laws and doesn’t give a double dang about what it does to his wife? DUH?

  7. Joyce,
    thanks for posting that last link from the NYTimes. I hadn’t been following the story because it just seemed so ridiculous: another politician with no shame, what’s new?

    But after reading the NYTimes article, I’m seeing this in the light of sex addiction and the sex addict’s need for attention as well as an escape from reality. I don’t think those are the best traits to have in a leader. His behavior is not that different from a psychopath’s need to act shamelessly and push the limits until he’s caught. It reminds me of Jerry Sandusky’s audacity in raping children in the Penn State showers. Although Tony’s behavior isn’t as damaging as Jerry’s, it seems to come from the same mindset of breaking boundaries and making other people feel ashamed.

    While I feel sorry for him, I think that maybe Huma is hurting him more than helping him by staying with him. As long as she absorbs the consequences for his behavior, he doesn’t have to take responsibility. On the other hand, if he is sincere about recovering he needs to admit to his addiction and her forgiveness can be part of that recovery.

  8. Truthy- there may be an average 6 strike rule, but who is to say there haven’t been other strikes previous that we are unaware of?

    The shame-core, I am dealing with that at the moment too, but in a different way. Perspective can do wonders. My spath has taken to calling me names, Worthless b!tch, worthless f’ing wh0re, miserable blah, blah, blah and although he is mumbling, it is still audible. He wants me to hear it, but ‘doesn’t’ want me to hear it. If I call him on it, thus begins the game of “Lie and Deny” while he throws the victim card and projects all of his ill behavior onto me. I’m the bad one doing bad things. Whatev’s!

    He is merely baiting me into a fight. I know this and will not give in to the reaction he is hoping for. If I am such a miserable, worthless wretch of a person, WHY then, pray do tell, would he WANT me to STAY? Surely he can do better. In fact he has told me so on numerous occasions…

    Go on then. Do better as you have said you can. Leave me be and I will just trudge on thru life with my ‘low life’ friends. Hope the door hits ya where the good Lord split ya!

  9. Pixie, the quicker you can get your affairs in order and get away, and NO contact with this person the better off you will be. I know it takes time to escape without them knowing your intentions. I think you are handling his nasty remarks the absolute best way possible, do not let him “provoke you” in to a fight…you know that nothing you say or do is going to please him. So all in all me thinks that you are several steps ahead of him because he does not know your plans, he still thinks he is in control and can hurt you. Irritate? Yea, irritate for sure, but do you really care what he thinks of you? Nah, I don’t think so, and that’s a HUGE step forward in your healing and your life after the creep! Hang in there and just keep your plans moving forward!

  10. Pixie, my first marriage was to an abusive sociopath, so I identify with what you’re experiencing. I also produced 2 offspring with him, and my son, Mike, has turned out to be an abuser, as well – in fact, he was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Cluster B. Not that it means anything to me, today, but it explained a great deal about his behaviors and his father’s.

    Absolutely, Joyce is 100% spot-on. The sooner that No Contact can be put into action, the better. I realize that you’re making the choice to not react – it takes a tremendous amount of energy to do this because I did the same thing. But, the abuser always upped the ante – the emotional attacks escalated because he wasn’t getting what he expected or wanted. That constant barrage of abuse and hatred will – without fail – wear a person down, regardless of what they know, put into practice, or expect of themselves. We are only human and not constructed of titanium. Even though we know that the words are designed to hurt and keep that fact in perspective, those words still dent our armor.

    Yeah…………you don’t care what he thinks about you because you realize that he thinks the same thing about EVERYONE. EVERYONE is a target for this d*ck-cheese, and Joyce is spot-on, again: keep that forward momentum and save yourself.

  11. Joyce and Truthy- I don’t buy into his garbage, don’t let him provoke me into fights, hell at this point I don’t even talk to him unless I really, really have to. That is probably the biggest part of him baiting me into the fights, just so I will speak in his direction. But still, I just don’t buy into it. In a way I have already gone NC or at least as much as I can for right now. Adding in the rest will be easy and bring sheer bliss. lol

    I am laying things out, getting things in order and working things out as I can. I have had good solid advice from enough people in the legal field, to have plenty of things in my bag to back me up. I don’t want anything and certainly don’t want to fight about anything, but if he pokes the bear, there will be enough of a sh!t-storm brewing, his attorney will either advise him to drop it and walk away or drop him as a client because of all of the lies on his behalf. Then again, some attorneys are only in it for the money, win or lose, they still got paid.

  12. UPDATE: well, surprise surprise, he lost the election with only 31,000 or so votes for him. LOL then he in a very classy act, gave the finger to one of the reporters. LOL Talk about a narcissistic creep. He’s a laugh a minute, I don’t understand why his wife stays with him, but then yes, I DO understand why she stays, and I have no doubt that he is abusive to her in more than one way, and cheating or attempting to, is only one of the ways he is abusive.

    • Joyce, just……………wow………….. This guy is so farking narcissistic. And, Weiner is one of “those types” of politicians that’s in the full belief that he is BEYOND accountability. The most dangerous type…………

      EW………so glad he lost his election. What a dope.

      His wife may, at some point, “do something” about her situation, and she may not.

  13. Obviously he hasn’t learned his lesson. While sexting isn’t illegal, sooner or later he will cross the line and do something that is. Don’t they always?

    My own spath has skirted the issue and kept things under the rardar, even having crossed the legality line a few times. It’s only a matter of time until they are caught and then they throw the victim card, just like the Spath 101 handbook tells them to.

    • You cracked me up Phoenix!
      “…then they throw the victim card, just like the Spath 101 handbook tells them too.”

      I’m picturing a spath. In one hand he’s holding his 101 handbook, reading the chapter You’ve been caught, now what? In the other hand, he’s holding a deck of cards, one of which has the word VICTIM emblazoned on it and a picture of the devil, pouting.

      • Ooooohhhhhhhh the visuals! ROFL!

        I’m guessing there are a few Man Cards in the deck as well. Those may be missing a corner here and there for things they have done unless they are included as a bag of confetti instead….

        *Shrugs shoulders*
        It could happen

        • (SNORT!) LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

          Oh, in retrospect, it was hilarious to watch the exspath try to explain his filthy bag of tricks and the BDS&M website that he sent to what he claimed to be a male friend. ROTFLMAO!!

          Much sputtering, stammering, and finger-throwing in my direction.

          Exspath: Well, well…………oh, YEAH?!?! We haven’t had sex in 4 years. Whaddami supposed to do?! CUT IT OFF?!

          Yeah………cut “it” off, then, cut your wrists. (roaring with laughter)

          That stupid git!

  14. with the political goings on in our country i thought i’d bring this back up….his wife, who works for H Clinton, stayed with the scum bag, just like Hillary did,

    the politics in this country right now scares the carp out of me, and the ‘SNAKES IN SUITS” To steal the name of the book, scare me completely….i wish i could vote for none of the above

    my opinion of ALL politicians, except maybe a very few, is that the are very high in N traits and some are full on psychopaths. THE LIES THAT HAVE BEEN EXPOSED already in most of the candidates is scary indeed.

    whoever you support in our national races doesn’t matter to me, i’m not trying to get you to vote for any one candidate over the other, but to look at all the candidates’ records, and the people they hang out with and how they act and above all VOTE

    • Joyce, I’m in complete agreement about the state of affairs in this country – I have never seen such a dreadful group of candidates in my lifetime. My father was a staunch corporate right-wing conservative, patriot, and career military man. He was WAY right, for as long as I could remember, and there was no discussion with him about anything that approached the middle. Until.

      When it became clear that smoking cigarettes was going to be illegal in most places, he was stunned and said, “I don’t want anyone to smoke, really, but this is where you’re going to start losing your Rights, one-at-a-time, and you won’t even know it until it’s too late.” I stared at him and I literally couldn’t think of a response – why SHOULDN’T there be restrictions on smoking? So, I finally asked him that question and he said that it was a personal, adult choice and that I would soon see the erosion of my Rights as an individual and that the nation would go to hayell in a handbasket. He even suggested that I consider relocating to another country, and I thought he’d gone daft as a result of his stroke.

      Well……..the psychopaths are running the country as they always have, BUT, they are out of the proverbial closet with their psychopathology, and it’s really, really scary to me.

  15. Zen I totally agree with you on that score, with roughly 50% of college kids thinking that the right of “free speech” should not include “offensive” words and you should be punished for offending some one…….sheesh. “hate” speech isn’t good, it causes problems but it is LEGAL…protesters for this or that can SAY anything they want to say, even if I am 180 degrees away from what they say I will defend their right to SAY it. Be it the black lives matter group or the KKK. The right to say whatever you want (unless you are threatening some one or some group, in that case it IS ILLEGAL) But to say and only say “I hate x” is not illegal

    • Yeah, Joyce – it’s rather confusing to me because everyone wants to be a “Special Snowflake” and claim that they’re non-binary-trans-gendered-third-tier and everyone around them is supposed to “understand, accept, and support” whatever it is that they’re claiming. It’s bullshirt.

      HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean that someone has to come out and say, “You’re full of bullshirt!!!” There’s this skill of diplomacy that is so very vital, and integrity that is so very lacking, anymore. UGH…….ugh, ugh, ugh………….

  16. I read a NY Times article yesterday that had comments from each candidate and PROOF that they lied about whatever they were talking about…EVERY candidate had flat out lied about this or that and of course there were videos or proof that what they said was untrue. LOL Yep psychopaths rule the world, unfortunately.

    • Joyce, I realize that corruption isn’t anything new. I’m grateful that I didn’t live during any of the ancient civilizations!

      What I have noticed is that integrity “should” be something that we require, as an evolved and developed Nation and culture. But, it seems that integrity doesn’t even exist, anymore.

      Looking back over History, it seems that “integrity” has a lasting impression for a very short time, while psychopathology has reigned supreme and for greater lengths.

      I don’t have a the slightest idea of how to swing the pendulum back into balance, but it’s 100% clear that NOBODY has any common sense, regardless of party lines. UGH….

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