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“THE LOOK” — 11 Comments

  1. Joyce,
    those are some ugly looks depicted in your article.
    I remember seeing “the look” but only catching a glimpse because I had to look away, it was too evil. Sometimes “the look” is a predatory stare with which they are sizing you up. It gives one the chills even when we don’t understand what it is.

    I’ve seen the most wicked look of “dupers delight” as well.

    Then there is the feeling of needing to take a shower after being in the presence of evil. I had that feeling of being slimed by a nasty person but didn’t understand that it was evil, only that it was a person whose mind was filthy, selfish, childish, greedy and shallow. Now that I understand it better, I understand that the person’s intent to do me harm was the “slime” I was feeling. My point is that I could see it in “the looks” they were giving me, I just had no idea what I was seeing.

  2. Yea, Sky, that was the thing with the Manson LOOK…sometimes he made an attempt to look “evil” and other times he was silly and other times he would SMIRK like T. J. Layne at his sentencing hearing.

    I didn’t realize what Manson’s “LOOK was at the time but it made me cringe like almost stepping on a snake makes you feel…like you almost got bitten!

    I’ve seen the look on my biological father’s face and I perceived it as RAGE…and on the faces of others and I didn’t realize just what I was seeing at the time, but I know now what it is and that we must protect ourselves from these people.

    They can FAKE all kinds of emotions, and they LEARN to act like they care, to say the WORDS that the rest of them expect us to say so they can hook us in, but they don’t have the typical feelings of typical people. I don’t think though that they can control what I believe is an inborn LOOK of evil. Whether it is the smirk LOOK, or the stare, it is still disquieting to those who recognize what it is, but also to people who don’t “know” what it is but who are discomforted by seeing it even without “knowing.”

  3. You know, Sky, I think you are right about the PREDATORY aspect of “the look” because predators in the animal world focus directly on the prey…like a cat stalking a bird, they stare directly at the intended victim, sizing them up, sneaking up…and I think the predatory aspect of disordered people is the same.

    It is interesting to note that in the animal world, prey animals have eyes on the SIDES of their heads lile horses, cows, antelope, but predator animals have their eyes in the front—“the better to see you with” as the wolf said to Little Red Riding Hood. LOL So humans as a whole have the “predator” eye placement and THE LOOK I think is the part where the hunter is stalking the prey, sizing them up, or threatening them.

  4. Joyce, I want to thank you for this article because, no matter HOW many times it’s discussed, the “reptilian look” is often misinterpreted. Johana seemed to “get it” about the disconnect in her daughter’s eye contact, and that is a blessing.

    Every spath that I’ve ever known or met has had the same expression on their faces – absolute indifference. EVEN when they are attempting to appear interested or “connected,” there is a distinct lack of human connection. It’s just like looking at a photograph – the image is there, but there’s no FEEDBACK.

    Now, there is another “expression” that these people display that seems to be as “animated” as they get, and that’s when they are in Predatory Mode. The intense stare – direct and intense eye-to-eye contact – that they cannot contain isn’t them “paying attention” to whatever it is that their targets are saying. What I compare this predatory stare to is what a cheetah uses to CHOOSE the sick, injured, old, weak, or newborn antelope in a herd before it begins to chase it down.

    For most empathetic people, we interpret that predatory stare as “intense INTEREST” in what we’re saying or attempting to convey. What we have trouble processing is that there truly are human beings that are NOT behind bars that are 100% predatory. It’s a challenge to reconcile that we actually may care about someone who doesn’t have the ability or capacity to care BACK, and their only “job” in this lifetime is to hunt and harm.

    EXCELLENT article, Joyce, and I agree with Sky about the images that are so familiar to us. I’d LOVE to post an image of the second exspath’s eyes – I often questioned myself because of the reptilian “look” and I simply passed it off (denial + cog/diss) as my being OVERLY sensitive – hyper-vigilant. Well, my gut instinct told me that the lights were on and that nobody was home – and, I didn’t listen to the gut. Dammit.

  5. Unfortunately disordered people have a LIMITED RANGE of emotions. They do experience intense rage if they are thwarted in any way, and that look of absolute rage is a scary look. I saw it in my son’s eyes, and I swear it SHOCKED me because he went from pleading and trying to get me to do whatever it was he wanted (I have actually forgotten what it was but it was against the prison rules) and then he SUDDENLY went from the “sweet look” to CHARLIE MANSON…in an INSTANT. My biological father also had that look of intense rage and it didn’t take much to provoke it.

    I have actually seen that same LOOK on my mother’s face as well, though I am still not sure she qualifies as a “complete psychopath” she does have some of the traits. The day she devalued and discarded me because Ii wouldn’t jump through her hoops as her personal servant was also “THE LOOK” and it said much more than her words. Outside the family she controls her angry LOOK but it will curdle milk I can tell you for sure.

    It, to me, indicates that there is nothing benign in their thinking or feeling.

    You know, Truthy, it is so good to not have to deal with people like that. I realize IN RETROSPECT (Of course hind sight is always 20/20 LOL) that I have danced to the tunes played by others my entire life, trying desperately to please them….forgiving them for whatever they do, not holding it against them…but now, I see that my entire thinking was out of whack.

    The number of “friends” I have is now limited, but the ones I have left are SOLID GOLD and as far as relatives are concerned, my adopted son is the only one who has ALWAYS stood by me, respected me, loved me, and has never betrayed me.

  6. I have seen that look. It can be very piercing or completely flat and hollow with nothing behind it. It depends on the person, the time of day and which bug has crawled up their arse and died.

    The piercing stare seems to be intense and has no ‘off’ switch as if they haven’t mastered controlling when and how to use it, or they just don’t care about doing so. The flat, hollow look can come and go as if they put on and take off their mask. Neither one do I have any use for and even less for the creature behind those empty eyes.

    • Phoenix, spot-on. My “previous self” never paid attention to anything other than gaining approval and/or acceptance, so I never took the time to step back and observe.

      These days, I’m rather flabbergasted at how MANY people just stare right through other people. It’s morbidly fascinating now that I have the ability to shut up and observe. EUGH……….

  7. I have seen the spath rage, going ballistic (punching holes in the wall, physically intimidating me, pushing his body up close to mine, threatening me because I confronted him about something), mainly seeing anger in his eyes. However, when we were dating, we attended a church service together and I recalled seeing a “completely flat and hollow” look come over his face, as if something else was seeing through his eyes. Evil is in these folks.

    • Good to see you back Blue, and yes, there is evil there. After seeing THE LOOK on Patrick’s face, I felt like I had looked into the eyes of Satan himself, it was scary. But it opened my eyes to what I was dealing with so I think it is a good thing to be AWARE of that LOOK and realize it is a symptom that we must heed.

  8. There are some faces you just can’t ”un-see” unfortunately. I looked into one of them when a disordered person bore down on me with a fixed , unblinking, empty stare and a smile on his face. The smile, which was more a smirk of utter self-satisfaction (he’s got me alone in a remote locale) was so frightening I couldn’t deal with my fear, and I disassociated to cope. I’d never seen an alarming smile before, except on movie villains and in documentaries about the likes of Manson. Actually, I always found those pictures of the innocent looking smiling girls who killed for Manson even more frightening than those of him.

  9. Yes, Rhiannon, those girls, though, were disordered in a weird way I think…the ultimate FOLLOWERS, maybe trauma bonded to him…I’m not sure what their “diagnosis” might have been but you are right…the LOOK is something you can’t forget when you see it on the face of someone who is “out to get you” SCARY stuff!

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