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Woman’s stalker was her own husband — 11 Comments

  1. Although I haven’t yet read the article, stalking has various forms.

    Following someone, driving past their home, work or places they frequent as well as sending threatening emails, letters, phone calls etc. It’s not something to be taken lightly, brushed off or ignored. Sometimes it is limited to stalking, but other times it goes much deeper and further. Usually stalking is the tip of the iceberg so to speak and a pre-emptive or warning if you will, of bigger (worse) things to come.

  2. What a timely article!

    Phoenix, when I was being stalked by a former business partner in this rural and misogynistic region, I went to the State Police and I was re-victimized by a trooper who was “short” on retirement time. I had received numerous threats, “anonymous” accusations, etc., and it finally culminated with my vehicle being tampered with so that it failed during a blizzard.

    The trooper was later under investigation by Internal Affairs (big deal – NOT) for having treated OTHER victims of crimes in this county, and I was contacted by the lead investigator to learn if I had been mistreated, as well.

    Stalking is a very, very serious crime and, as you so aptly wrote, it “…is the tip of the iceberg so to speak and a pre-emptive or warning if you will, of bigger (worse) things to come.” Absolutely. And, it is still not treated as THAT kind of criminal behavior.


  3. This guy was PUNISHING her for the affair and would have gone on punishing her in that way or worse. First off she should have gone to the POLICE when the second 2 mail arrived, it was apparently obvious to the cops who was sending the e mail as when the cops got involved they caught him quickly.

    I’m sorry the trooper was hateful to you, Truthy, but the fact is that not all cops are “nice guys” some are total psychopaths. Some hate women some hate others and it shows in their behavior. I hope all the furor that is going on now about cops, like the one who shot and killed the fleeing unarmed man and was videoed by a by stander who saw him plant a gun on the man and videoed it. That man deserves to spend the rest of his natural life in a supermax iin solitary. Maybe all this furor will make the departments start monitoring their personnel a bit better.

  4. I can only wonder why after 10 years of constant threats, what happened that she finally went to the police? I agree with Joyce that when the 2nd or even the 3rd email came in, I would have printed them out and gone to the police. Better safe than dead.

    Truthy that sucks about the trooper being a jerk. I agree that not all of them are bad, but there are some that are, just as in every profession. There’s good apples, bruised apples and some so rotten they stink to high heaven. The spath supposedly had tried out for just about every law enforcement agency in the state. The fact that none of them hired him is a major “TELL” as to his mental state. Obviously he is a rotten apple and therefore NONE of them wanted that kind of grief.

  5. The horrific thing about this article is that the woman endured this for 10 years. I dealt with it for 12 months, and I actually sought therapy to cope. Ten years – a decade – of terrorizing will “Do Something” to a person’s psyche. And, it went on and on and on without resolution because stalking is simply not taken as seriously as it should be.

    Joyce, you’re right about him punishing her, but that was merely the excuse for him to do the things that he did. For someone to do that for 10 years speaks to their mental stability, and this guy is evil. Just evil.

    What I don’t understand is why she waited so long to report the stalking behaviors. What was going on in her head that prevented her from filing a complaint, sooner? There are some serious issues that this gal is either going to nail down, or not, but the failure to file a complaint and the years of terror that she endured have absolutely created a system of thinking processes that need a complete overhaul.

    With regard to the trooper, I realize that all cops are not bad. Whatever happened to that jerk is a mystery – heck, I can’t even remember his name, at this point. I can only say that I am wary of anyone who is in ANY position of power, and that goes from judges to clergy, to store managers. I’m okay, today. 😉

  6. Truthy I think that he used this fear to “trauma bond”her to him. She sought his “comfort” and so here is her SAVIOR not her tormenter so I think early on she trauma bonded and factor in the GUILT she must have felt that she had an affair and hurt him. I think I see why she waited for 10 years.

    You are right I think that he was EVIL to do what he did, but I also think maybe he did it out of fear she would leave him That doesn’t mean that he isn’t EVIL in what he chose to do because no one who wasn’t mean as a snake would seek that kind of revenge or use that kind of terror to “keep” a woman. I hope he goes to prison for a long time so she can rest easy. I wouldn’t be surprised that he sought more revenge for him being caught by the law.

    • Joyce, I “get that,” at this point. And, he must have been one HECK of an abuser all along to cause her to feel THAT guilty.

      She’s going to need some intensive counseling therapy to move through this mess and out into the light. I cannot, in my wildest nightmares, imagine the depth of anxiety and fear that she lived in. I only dealt with it for 12 months, and I was a walking, talking wreck.

  7. Truthy, I have no doubt that poor woman is a walking “train wreck” after 10 years of fear and anxiety, and then the SHOCK of the truth coming out that HE WAS TORTURING HER. She got the double whammy in finding out that the man she loved and trusted was her abuser. I agree she is going to need some intense counseling. I hope she gets it. Unfortunately many if not most of the people who do need that kind of counseling don’t or can’t get it. SAD

  8. It looks like this woman has suppressed it all so much for so long, she may have started to sort of brush it off and ignore it on some level. It was threats and the article never said anything was ever carried out, just threats… Which is just as dangerous, if not more so.

    If threats are made and nothing ever comes of it, before long you will start to discount it for what it is, a bunch of idle threats. You’ll slowly begin to drop your guard and ‘present yourself’ as an even better target. Any given day could have been her last if the ‘stalker’ (her husband) had decided her death was easier/better than a divorce. Maybe he was also hoping it would just drive her b.a.t.s.h.i.t. crazy and he could blame it on her and apply a heavy layer of victim shaming.

    • That’s true Phoenix, when we have a fear or anxiety about a potential threat and it never materializes, we do tend to let our guard down. I’ve seen that in my self, but you know, at the same time without becoming HYPER vigilant I do maintain a vigilance about my safety because who knows? Patrick may find some other ex cell mate to come after me, but I refuses to LIVE IN TERROR. Vigilance is okay but HYPER vigilance is not conducive to good mental health. LOL

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